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-Smoking Gun-
Contributed by
TaintedOptomist
on
Saturday, 8th November 2003 @ 03:45:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
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who would notice if the invisible man just vanished
you see me as i cling to the cliff of sanity
never lent a helping hand
i swallowed the bottle and choked on life
like a dagger in the mail
never were that type to speak you mind
my heart sank line for line
the note i left soaked in blood
paints a pretty picture
why would you ask
how could you have any dout
that you pulled the trigger on that smoking gun
and end with no beging
a soapopera with no plot
self mutilation low budjet films
the signs were all there
my message is clear
i die every hour
trapt in a repeating tragedy
Copyright ©
TaintedOptomist
... [
2003-11-08 15:45:50] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: -Smoking Gun-
(User Rating: 1 ) by Cora-Windover on
Saturday, 8th November 2003 @ 04:15:41 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Funny you should mention the Cliff of Sanity, I wrote a song that was called "The Edge of Insanity" and it was like "Throw yourself over the edge of insanity..."
Anyway, about the poem. I like it a lot, could do with some cleaning up - punctuation, typos, that sort of thing. But all and all very good, I liked the idea of the blood-soaked note and the vanishing invisible man. Good job.
~Cora Windover |
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Re: -Smoking Gun-
(User Rating: 1 ) by TaintedOptomist on
Sunday, 9th November 2003 @ 10:49:05 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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acctualy i prefere not to use any capitols or punctuation in any of my poetry...as for the typos well....i can't type.....any way thanks for the comment |
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