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(
[sid] => 258
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => As Moonlight Becomes Her
[time] => 2002-07-13 07:03:17
[hometext] => As Moonlight Becomes Her
[bodytext] =>
Radiant stares of delicate treasure bronze eyes
Capture a stars glisten as it lingers in the sky
Her soul silently levitating in the vastness of the night
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
Thin sunbeam satin strands, lightly dust her skin
Full luscious lips, highlight the slightest dimple of a grin
Her beauty a fascinating portrait, from hair line to chin
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
Chilled winds lightly blowing, enlarge the peaks of her breasts
Igniting a flaming fire, housed deep within the halls of her chest
Expanding the nights blackened walls, becoming darkness' sweet caress
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
The shadows light, delicately bouncing off the wavering of her curves
Tracingly devouring the shallow hollows and rounded swerves
Licking up every droplet of her skins dampened preserves
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
A mirage of perfect perfection, hovers distantly in the night
Highlighted by the earth's glow and the darkness' ray of light
A chameleon of pleasure locked away from mans sight
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
[comments] => 138
[counter] => 6899
[topic] => 13
[informant] => Dragons_Of_Rose
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 614
[ratings] => 148
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => DarkPoetry
)
As Moonlight Becomes Her
Contributed by
Dragons_Of_Rose
on
Saturday, 13th July 2002 @ 07:03:17 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Radiant stares of delicate treasure bronze eyes
Capture a stars glisten as it lingers in the sky
Her soul silently levitating in the vastness of the night
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
Thin sunbeam satin strands, lightly dust her skin
Full luscious lips, highlight the slightest dimple of a grin
Her beauty a fascinating portrait, from hair line to chin
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
Chilled winds lightly blowing, enlarge the peaks of her breasts
Igniting a flaming fire, housed deep within the halls of her chest
Expanding the nights blackened walls, becoming darkness' sweet caress
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
The shadows light, delicately bouncing off the wavering of her curves
Tracingly devouring the shallow hollows and rounded swerves
Licking up every droplet of her skins dampened preserves
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
A mirage of perfect perfection, hovers distantly in the night
Highlighted by the earth's glow and the darkness' ray of light
A chameleon of pleasure locked away from mans sight
In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.
Copyright ©
Dragons_Of_Rose
... [
2002-07-13 07:03:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by J_Ganey on
Sunday, 14th July 2002 @ 01:18:22 AM AEST
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| I love it!! Two thumbs up |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kassidi on
Wednesday, 24th July 2002 @ 11:08:04 AM AEST
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Wonderful poem! Very heartfelt!
Kassidi |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by country_mistress on
Friday, 6th September 2002 @ 01:52:48 PM AEST
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| Two thumbs up! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Opium on
Monday, 28th October 2002 @ 03:46:59 AM AEST
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| Words will never be enough!, bloody marvelous! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 29th October 2002 @ 03:12:09 PM AEST
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Hi Rose,
I'm playing catch up.
I give u two thumbs up!!!!
Very good!!!!!!
PEACE, LUV, MOONLITE,
emy |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampy on
Monday, 11th November 2002 @ 06:40:54 AM AEST
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| Wonderful write... excellent use of vocabulary. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by alternachik29 on
Saturday, 16th November 2002 @ 10:34:13 AM AEST
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Absolutely love it!!! Keep up the good work!!!
-Alternachik29 |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Twinky on
Thursday, 5th December 2002 @ 11:31:30 AM AEST
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| this poem is beautiful!!! i cant express with words how wonderful it is!!! you are a truly gifted writer and i want to read more from you soon!! keep up the good work! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by psyonara on
Saturday, 22nd February 2003 @ 03:17:32 PM AEST
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| not sure what I feel when I read your poem, but it creates a certain "atmosphere", which puts me in a strange, but interesting mood. as the others said, words are not enough. very well written! :+> |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Chaos666 on
Wednesday, 5th March 2003 @ 07:30:51 PM AEST
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| wow....very well thought out and written!! I give it a 10!!! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 24th March 2003 @ 09:32:25 PM AEST
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glad everyone else loves it. But fancy words do not a poet make!
Issues:
How does a soul levitate? Don't all souls levitate? In which case your saying nothing.
What's a shape shifter's darkness? The only shape shifter I've ever heard of was that guy on Star Trek DS9. Is it his darkness? If it's dark, how would you even know a shape is shifting?
A flaming fire. Sort of like wet water, eh?
Generally a portrait's considered less beautiful than the real thing.
One moment a vast night, the next night's blackened walls... choose.
Curves and swerves? Are we in a strip club?
Perfect perfection. As opposed to the imperfect kind. Gotcha.
If the earth's glowing, we're probably all dead.
__
Don't take it too hard. It's not that I hate you, just that I love poetry. Too much to call this a good poem.
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 26th March 2003 @ 09:27:50 PM AEST
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people who cannot express with words
are lousy poets. Don't trust them. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dragons_Of_Rose on
Tuesday, 1st April 2003 @ 11:07:22 AM AEST
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There's an image that goes along to this poem Mr. Guest. Don't spout your "critiques" if you can call it that, more like picking at things you can't see, unless you know the whole picture.
Things you pointed out? They're only images you yourself can't imagine nor understand. As the writer, I need no explanation on how I plant my words.
When you get an imagination, come back to me. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Destiny on
Saturday, 12th April 2003 @ 08:01:18 PM AEST
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unlike our critic Mr. Guest I find this poem beautiful, well put, and just flat out amazing. In a true poem you have to be able to read it and picture it in your mind, and feel it inside you. You have to be able to let the words wash over you, which you have made amazingly easy to do with your phrasing in this poem. And I'm assuming Mr. Guest has never, A-read a real poem in a way that you can feel it or B-written a poem that makes you feel it in your heart to put it lightly. Anyway I'm rammbling. Great write love it love it love it
---Destiny |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by JamesHowlett on
Thursday, 1st May 2003 @ 01:05:22 AM AEST
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| It's a beautiful poem that captivates the reader! great job!! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by exiled on
Thursday, 1st May 2003 @ 06:30:14 PM AEST
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Dragon, I love this. I hope you keep on posting because i'll keep on reading you write much like I do and there arent too many people who write like that.
exiled |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by JamesHowlett on
Friday, 2nd May 2003 @ 10:50:44 PM AEST
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| you have no real knowledge of poetry if you contradict the imagination of others! open your mind. or keep your mouth shut! great poem by the way!! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shabby on
Monday, 19th May 2003 @ 06:01:43 AM AEST
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| what a beautiful poem...so elegant and sensual...the ultimate accomplishment is to paint a picture and you did a wonderful job...this is the last poem i commented on for the night and what a way to end |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by scott_milton on
Thursday, 22nd May 2003 @ 07:28:54 AM AEST
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| i love the line ' in a shape shifters darkness' a great visual description. you rock |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Chenobi on
Sunday, 15th June 2003 @ 05:58:06 AM AEST
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| You have a very descriptive mind. Very beautiful! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by cheetham on
Sunday, 3rd August 2003 @ 02:42:17 AM AEST
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good poem, creates a good image and atmosphere. However, just one point, "mr guest" was making a critisism, not without basis of facts, so shouldnt you take his critisism in to account, instead of critising his critism (lol) i mean, if we all listened to positive feedback and rejected the 'negative' we wouldn't grow as poets as well as we would do if we were open to critism. Plus, we are all entitled to out opinion, isnt this what this whole site is about??
but yep, definatly a very good poem, but dont let ur ego inflate from postive comments ^_^ |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dragons_Of_Rose on
Sunday, 28th September 2003 @ 02:04:09 PM AEST
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| I have no ego, was just voicing the obvious. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 11th October 2003 @ 03:06:43 PM AEST
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I think Opium got it right in saying:
"Words will never be enough!, bloody marvelous!"
Ditto!
~ Wilder |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Monday, 1st December 2003 @ 03:15:40 PM AEST
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you know what mr guest?
if you really love poetry then you would understnad that all poetry is not about literal meanings and completely concrete images. sometimes the beauty of words lies in there unusual use or there vagueness or the way they resonate in the head. perhaps you dont like poetry too much to say that this is a good poem. perhaps you dont know sh*t about poetry, and maybe you should substantiate your comments before spouting them out. this is poetry, not a english 11 essay. thats why it is called poetic because it is not always 'in the box' or drawn inside the lines.
to rose: lovely poem. i loved the repitition of the last lines, i loved the way it made me feel as if watching from beside a cool lake on a misty magical light. i love the imagery, and the vagueness of why she is standing naked, what a shape shifters darknes is
i like the 'darkness' ray of light' that was cool.
constructive critisism? i think it culd be made to run slightly smoother in regards to silybles, etc, and often you need to consider this: even though two words may have great meaning in conjunction, they may not be the most esthetic to read or to listen to, in the way they flow.
and these i think are well thought of critiques.
good job. wish i could get half as many positive comments on any one of my poems as you did on this one |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by forever_lonely on
Sunday, 28th December 2003 @ 09:19:42 PM AEST
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| wow. a truely touching poem i read al, of the comments as well(and there a few and they all speak with all they can think of to describe this poem, speechless, the critic, is just doping what he loves most, and if you didnt expect this too happen then you shouldnt have posted it, but i agree, when he gets an imagination he should come back, but not to say that his criticisms will help you to write your next peice and anyway poems speak from the soul and into our hearts through our minds and you have so many voices that almost all of us can hear you you have a real talent amazing wirte ~forever_lonely |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by StarBeneathTheStairs on
Saturday, 3rd January 2004 @ 05:12:21 AM AEST
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Loved this poem....I agree with most of what everyone has commented....except for Mr Guest...sure there's contructive criticism but there is such thing as going too far.
And poetry is not literal, it is the words ,which, abstract as they may be, all fit together to create vivid images within your mind. That's the great thing about words compared to maths, in this case there is no right or wrong.
Keep the poems coming please Dragons_Of_Rose. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on
Wednesday, 7th January 2004 @ 01:31:57 PM AEST
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| Oh my! This poem is marvelous! Simply...Amazing. I think that you're refering to a werewolf transformation (shapeshifter) and if that's the case then I must tell you that you captured the essense of the shapeshifter notation its just splendid and wonderfully described. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jacktripper on
Saturday, 24th January 2004 @ 07:32:30 AM AEST
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| What can I say except that was amazing. "In a shape shifters darkness" what a catching phrase. The intense imagery and explosive words are incredible. My favorite line "Her soul silently levitating in the vastness of the night". You have a gift here....This is impressive one of my favorites. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by kieran on
Saturday, 24th January 2004 @ 02:38:22 PM AEST
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| well there is no arguing with the vocubalary! The imagery is almost verging on the pornagraphic though! Great poem, though the emotion gets confused with the effort to get very verbose imagery in the poem. Apart from that, reminds me of a girl I used to know. Good honest emotion over the female form, like it. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 18th February 2004 @ 02:18:01 AM AEST
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| Damn. this is good stuff, keep up the good work. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 18th February 2004 @ 10:06:52 AM AEST
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| Thanks for the comments and actual critiques everyone. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by poison_touch666 on
Wednesday, 10th March 2004 @ 06:00:45 PM AEST
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| I give you three thumbs up (if i was genetically mutated) that was an excellent poem, I love the way your choice of words provoke such detailed images and the whole idea of the poem. You sure you didn't pay a profesional poem writter to write that for you? |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ChaosBound on
Tuesday, 16th March 2004 @ 01:05:58 PM AEST
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* drops hat and walks away *
...wow...
Thank you.
@~~}~~ |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 26th March 2004 @ 03:46:13 AM AEST
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this is indeed a good poem. Although despite what you may say i have writen poems on this site and gotten critism but everyone can have their own opion even if it may seem rude it is simply the way they feel. I'm sure that you will understand that altough this is a good poem in all rude comments there is some truth and not that i agree with our little guest but u should really read what he has writen and thank him/her for they have given you sumething more precious than any "great work" or "two thumbs up" because they may feel good to get but will not help you to understand what you can improve on. Anyway i did enjoy this poem and i hope i was not in anyway rude to you, as i said before this is just my opion.
Well done on your poem and welcome to YPDC. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Soulless on
Saturday, 27th March 2004 @ 03:15:56 PM AEST
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A wonderful poem of emotions,
Your words just spill out strong words so
beautifully.
Keep it up,
kisses,
~Soulless~ |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Breezer08 on
Sunday, 4th April 2004 @ 02:43:04 PM AEST
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omg. i understand everything u said in that poem! i loved the way you used your words and all the places you put them. they really expressed what you were feeling. i dnt know what that damned "Mr. Guest" was talking about, but i think this poem is the best ever! keep up all the good writing and never EVER let it go. you've got talent!
don't faZe me,
*breeZer*
(a poet in progress and a singer in step) |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by corrupted_minds on
Wednesday, 7th April 2004 @ 12:58:10 AM AEST
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| excellent excellent poem, keep at it |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by silent on
Tuesday, 13th April 2004 @ 05:58:53 AM AEST
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I have read the criticism of this poem and i don't really agree. I can see what you are talking about quite clearly, even though it isn't complex or deep, it is very very well written and the way you describe it flows extremely well. Maybe a little hard at first read to grasp properly, but after 2 or 3, the poem really starts to shine. For the style this is written in i give it 5 stars, it makes sense to me, hard to describe but i can see, and i applaud you on an excellent piece of writing. Very well done. There may be a few very minor things that some may think need changing, but it depends on how pedantic you want to get. It comes down to what you want it to be like, and that's all that matters.
Silent |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Justalady on
Wednesday, 14th April 2004 @ 11:30:38 AM AEST
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| Funny how certain poems bring out the worst and best of people. As one who has written many on different subjects I can see both sides of these comments. But.... and yes , But.......... unless it is to be published for money and edited to be correct in all areas, why not just enjoy this magical piece and let it take all of us to where ever our minds wanders as we read. It is pleasing to the mind, at least that it how it affected me, Justalady that loves moonlight and romance. :) |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mihiri on
Friday, 16th April 2004 @ 11:53:06 AM AEST
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Very intriguing! Well done, this is a master-piece!! Encore!
Mihiri |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ammalu on
Saturday, 24th April 2004 @ 05:18:45 AM AEST
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| well narrated-keep it up. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by IamChrisHuff on
Wednesday, 5th May 2004 @ 05:57:05 PM AEST
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Can I meet this girl?
Just kidding. Marvelous poem!
I very much enjoyed reading it. It paints a perfect picture in my mind..
Thank you for blessing me with this poem. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by surfer_boy_lost on
Sunday, 9th May 2004 @ 02:38:50 AM AEST
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| that is one of the best poems i have ever read. the language, the technique, the absolute syle in which you nailed it. excellent! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sylvias on
Friday, 28th May 2004 @ 11:24:37 PM AEST
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| Words cannot begin to describe how wonderful this is. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Friday, 4th June 2004 @ 12:04:57 AM AEST
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| I wouldn't say it's the best poem I've ever read but it does have atmosphere. The shapeshifters darkness and moonlight becoming her - pretty damn good. Contrary to what that anonymous critic said (even though I personally found that entry pretty entertaining, congrats dude) I think shapeshifters darkness is a perfect description, sooo capturing-the-exact-image/mood. I believe you created a whole new class of 'darkness' with those words! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by saveMEfromMYSELF on
Saturday, 12th June 2004 @ 04:16:24 PM AEST
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| that gave me chills. awsome description! The poem was all together top notch! way to go! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Seans_Girl on
Monday, 21st June 2004 @ 08:38:46 PM AEST
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Wow is all I can think of to explain this poem. It was wonderful. It is truly one of the best poem's I've read on YPDC. Great Job. Don't let jerks like "the guest" put you down in your writing. He just can't see the beauty of a woman because he's probably never had one. Great job! Keep up the good work!
*Natalie* |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Justalady on
Wednesday, 23rd June 2004 @ 04:50:28 PM AEST
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| This caught my eye simply because I am in love with the title. Reading the verse and comments I see all kinds of comments. I am a strong believer that unless a work is meant to published in perfect form little unperfections are of no importance. It reads like a lovely, mysterious dream in one's mind. One should be able to handle a critic as long as it is not done in a nasty way. I saw none of that here. This has a beauty and charm all it's own......nice to read, and yes ...... I did enjoy. June |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by tryals on
Thursday, 24th June 2004 @ 09:40:44 PM AEST
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| read or perused several of your poems. not exactly what i do,then neither is 'mary had',political and science rhymes are more my thing ,not many are into that,maybe because i'm not as able to be as self reflective as you,you are prolific and although not what i do,i liked it. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by xxbreathlessx on
Saturday, 26th June 2004 @ 08:31:09 PM AEST
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| wow u SERIOUSLY have talent, i think u should get published. ur poem is absolutly remarakable, the deatails the imagery the descriptions...everything, ....its...wow |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by LittleWillow on
Monday, 28th June 2004 @ 08:53:03 PM AEST
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This is definitely one of the best poems I have ever read! Shakespeare, Poe, Frost, and Dragons_Of_Rose! You are amazing! That is pure perfection. I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it! Brilliant! Magnificent! Genius! A masterpiece!
~*LittleWillow*~ |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ExoticDreamer on
Wednesday, 28th July 2004 @ 01:54:22 PM AEST
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| A chilling and compelling read. Visual to perfection. Exceptional work. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wolfareen on
Saturday, 31st July 2004 @ 01:22:42 PM AEST
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| I really liked this one. Obviously quite a few other people did too!! In regards to the comments by "Mr Guest", I have to admit I thought they were quite funny and you have to take the rough with the smooth (don't we all). But as another poet on this site said to me (Essential9!) "Don't write for people, write for yourself because you'll only start to try and please them and have them control what you express." Anyway, like I said, really liked the poem, great imagery and wonderful way of expressing yourself. Don't ever stop! Wolfareen xx |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by loss_silence on
Saturday, 7th August 2004 @ 10:30:15 PM AEST
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| increadible im sure this comment will never be read simpy for the fact that there are so many. however i have to say this one was truly worth my time thank you for restoring my hope that there will be a future generation of poets |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Poe on
Friday, 13th August 2004 @ 01:41:02 PM AEST
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Very descriptive and captivating.
Poe |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Solnubis on
Sunday, 15th August 2004 @ 12:40:28 PM AEST
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| Beautifully written. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by clowns_can_burn on
Tuesday, 31st August 2004 @ 10:58:08 AM AEST
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| beautiful, just beautiful |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by TheManagement on
Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 04:48:27 PM AEST
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| this poem is awesome! i cannot express how good this poem is in words! it is beyond genious!! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by Lee on
Wednesday, 22nd September 2004 @ 04:25:09 PM AEST
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Jedimaster Surreal Eel y'know Feel says:
Good this poem is.
Word well chosen is "Levitating", ummm, yes.
Done well!
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mekare on
Thursday, 7th October 2004 @ 09:24:13 PM AEST
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| Reading your poem was like having jewels in my mouth.. the descriptions were breath taking |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by eyesxcriedxout1989 on
Saturday, 30th October 2004 @ 04:16:24 PM AEST
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This was so AWESOME!!!! I loved this...i really enjoyed how every stanza ended in "In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her" That was awesome
Mason |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by SkaterGirl16 on
Monday, 15th November 2004 @ 02:26:34 PM AEST
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| Descriptive, beautiful write from the first line to the very last. Very impressive! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by Black_Rose on
Wednesday, 15th December 2004 @ 11:03:34 AM AEST
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| Overall this was a really good poem; a lot of thought and imagination obviously went into making this. I kinda feel obliged, however, to give my opinion on this whole "mr guest" issue. While he was unnecessarily rude and also not at all correct about your poem not being "good" (as it was more than that!), but he did bring up a few good points. Just, for instance, "perfect perfection" or "flaming fire." Just that perhaps there are better word choices for these couple of lines (just 'cause it does kinda seem repetitive). Other than this small matter, very creative, wonderful imagery, and I love the pattern of the poem with the recurring line at the end of each stanza. :) |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by xx_lil_devilish_angel_xx on
Friday, 17th December 2004 @ 11:05:08 AM AEST
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Fantastic write, well done! Very in depth vocabulary used to put across to the audience the sheer beauty of this girl you are describing.
Keep up the good work
xx_lil_devilish_angel_xx |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by weezer21 on
Thursday, 30th December 2004 @ 03:18:40 AM AEST
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| that was soo great! it had such feeling and so much detail...wonderful |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by destinysseduction on
Sunday, 2nd January 2005 @ 04:02:05 PM AEST
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I am amazed at your imagery as you leave just enough to the imagination...enchanting write for the love of an obviously beautiful woman.
destinysseduction
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ERiN_BuRgEr on
Thursday, 6th January 2005 @ 11:09:41 AM AEST
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| Ive read a few of yours now and each one just gets better and better that was brillaint......like truly brilliant.... |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by juliette on
Thursday, 20th January 2005 @ 11:56:59 PM AEST
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This is beautiful!
Twice tonight, I am rendered speechless!
Thanks for sharing!
juliette
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by noone on
Sunday, 30th January 2005 @ 05:35:30 PM AEST
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Lovely! Very well written, this is a great piece! Descriptions are amazing, keep it up,
Kirsty xx |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by AKA_Anonymous on
Sunday, 30th January 2005 @ 11:17:28 PM AEST
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| Wow... Amazing... Simply amazing... |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by sweetangeluk on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 09:54:33 AM AEST
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Awesome poem Magnificent incredible.
I loved it
Love Sweetangelukxxxx |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Taurusgem1 on
Wednesday, 9th February 2005 @ 02:45:05 AM AEST
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| It is nice to see someone use strong vocabulary to entice a vision. To many peoms are just emotions nothing grabs you in like a visual effect |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ruthie1983 on
Friday, 11th February 2005 @ 01:02:33 AM AEST
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| great poem, great words |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by Kachina on
Friday, 11th February 2005 @ 09:42:16 AM AEST
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| Very impressives and well expressed!! You deserve a 5!! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty_cat on
Saturday, 12th February 2005 @ 08:58:48 AM AEST
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| I'm unsure about this poem...in a way its fascinating...in other ways its boring and pervy, but you cant always please everyone i guess. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by LadyWynter on
Friday, 18th February 2005 @ 10:40:34 AM AEST
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| I am new to this site, this was one of the first poems I read, and it was a pleasure. I think this poem is awesome, with beautiful imagery. Excellent work. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by weezer21 on
Sunday, 20th February 2005 @ 04:50:46 AM AEST
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| all i can say is..amazing...unlike mr.guest..wtf is ur problem i wanna read some of ur poetry to see if you hav any talent to back up all the shlt ur saying...pshh...great poemm ;-) |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dying_Angel on
Saturday, 5th March 2005 @ 05:20:36 PM AEST
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| it was ok I mean average but nothing to rave about it was meaninggless and personally too long with no sharp ending or for that matter a good one a poem should always have a gradual ending or a beautiful sharp one it shouldn't fizzle out like yours did...sorry |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by glu1 on
Sunday, 13th March 2005 @ 05:17:20 PM AEST
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| brilliant. witty and vivid and yet dark and mysterious. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by white_tiger on
Wednesday, 23rd March 2005 @ 02:14:40 AM AEST
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that is SUCH good poem...i loved the use of descriptive words and how it created excellent imagery. how do u write so well??? that is one GOOD poem!!!!!!:)
keep smiling and huggs
roopa |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by smiley_jennyxoxo on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 11:54:41 PM AEST
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| that's such a lovely poem! I'm impressed by your choice of wording. I love the moon also! Keep writing! Jenny |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by jeza on
Tuesday, 29th March 2005 @ 06:26:44 PM AEST
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excellent piece
three thumbs up
keep up the good work you rock |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by mickie on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 02:40:44 PM AEST
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I find this poem to be mysterious, dark of course. I love the vivd portrait that you painted within the verses of your poem. Great write!!
Keep up the good job! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by WiltingSoul on
Wednesday, 6th April 2005 @ 10:27:38 AM AEST
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| the imagery is amazing, I hope you keep writing things this beautiful. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by lonithion on
Saturday, 9th April 2005 @ 02:02:45 AM AEST
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The ending according to some was abrupt. When reading poems, you must get the feeling in the middle and expect the feeling to change towards the end. The end is made up of how you read the words. I feel that the end was perfect, just like the rest of the poem.
Terrific job.
lonithion |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by StoneAngel on
Monday, 11th April 2005 @ 11:37:06 AM AEST
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| wow, Amazingly written, it just sucks you right in, so beautiful. I know exactly what this poem discribes. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by MorningGlory on
Friday, 6th May 2005 @ 10:05:04 PM AEST
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This is a great poem...
It was so good it gave me chills. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by tres_estrellas on
Wednesday, 11th May 2005 @ 02:54:03 AM AEST
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| beautiful |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by hardrocker15198916 on
Thursday, 23rd June 2005 @ 01:19:32 PM AEST
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| it was pretty good. and a little refreshing. dont ask how or why it just was |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by silenceinthestorm on
Thursday, 4th August 2005 @ 04:05:06 PM AEST
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| ..... its on captivating write ... leaves you with a tingle all throughout your body like you were right there watching |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by AshRayne on
Sunday, 7th August 2005 @ 05:31:50 PM AEST
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I bow down to you
what a wonderful description, magnificent depiction. a longing melody.
exquisite writing that is your gift, be blessed, for you are perfection.
~Ash |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 2nd September 2005 @ 12:55:58 AM AEST
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Great opening line..
*****Radiant stares of delicate treasure bronze eyes
Earth eyes staring out into the darkness, focus on a lingering star..... makes us feel like we are floating.. no gravity to hold us down
The moon becomes us.. takes our gravity away from us. so we shift in the dark, taking on many shapes.. the moon swallows us up
Moon dust is sprinkled on us.. teasing us, zapping
our strength
A heave of heat is about to burst us open, volcanic eruption.. the core of the earth, cool and dark on the outside, hot inside
The shadow.. oh the moon is covering us up.. It is in our way... we have been mooned.
The shadows light.. moonlight brightens the shadow.
The moon drinks up the ocean from off the earth.. as the sea became large and overflowing, she drinks up every droplet spilled over onto the earth
The moon becomes the earth, devouring us
What a dream.. we glow in the dark, changing colors.
All this imagination takes place in our minds, our minds shape shifting in the dark as the moon above comes down to become us.
Well, why not, the moon does revolve around us
Well, first stab at it.. I will re-read another night.
Doesn't matter the meaning, I loved it. Gives me a wonderful feeling. I am a moon person anyway, so there ya go.
Wonderful imagination, write.. powerful.. makes one think.. up or down..
We dream so much looking up at that small little planet, it may as well come down to us. lol.
I don't know all that much about astrononmy, but I do know I love what I see up in the sky at night.
Raquel Leah :D
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ArsenicMyst on
Tuesday, 20th September 2005 @ 07:09:03 PM AEST
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i guess im going to be lost down here as No. 93
and ONLY JUST 2 years after it was originally post
well ok ...
im the last one who should discuss usage of wording,
or poetic form because i myself have none ...
i usually write impulsively, and admit i lack nearly all
the disciplines most learned and gifted writers posess.
i merely make up my own rules as i go along ... and hope for the best
and besides, these arent anymore the days of shakespeare,
thoreau and browning, are they?
i do have to admit, like with the rest of the masses here,
i too was hooked and drawn into this poem by its glossy title,
and by its dark mysterious metaphoric sensuality ...
not just from one read, but also from the 2nd and the 3rd.
however, as captivated as i was by it, on the ~surface~,
there was something about this poem that left me feeling
a little awkward ... something i couldnt put my finger on.
reading this poem was like going to see a Janeane Garofalo
or a Julia Robert's movie ... in that your expectations are high,
and everyone says its good, and you even enjoyed it,
because like with their movies, this poem too was well packaged together
but in the end, they do leave you kind of cold and cheated ...
experiencing somewhat of a let down ...
not that this poem did exactly all of that.
i could have walked away from this poem thinking, yea, its a great poem,
if it hadnt been for the uproar over Anonymous's critique, or rather,
over the obvious sarcastic tone of it.
there are just a couple of things that i found distracting
from the mood of the poem, and the probable intent of the author
the first being, the most intriguing and prolific line in the poem,
"In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her.",
is repeated at the end of each verse without variance, or even omission
this is like repeating endless car crashes in slow motion,
because someone has decided that's all the public wants to see ...
by the end of the poem, after you have read this unique line over and over again,
tending to lose its effect at the end, having become worn out and predictable.
secondly, nearly every other line in the piece begins with thematic imagery.
concluding with graphic simplicity, that do not measure up to the mystique
of the beginning of the line.
dont get me wrong ... im not being puritanical.
in my opinion, i found these to be awkward areas,
due to the abrupt change in writing style midway through each line.
i do like the concept of what was done, but not in how it was done ...
i feel that all it needs is another look with another approach,
requiring only the most subtle of changes and editing,
so as not to lose the intent and feel, but rather to heighten it.
As Moonlight Becomes Her is a wonderful poem.
it inherently has a form and style of its own ...
this is one case where the poem as a whole must be true
to its artful uniqueness, and true to its style and form,
with every word, line, concept, nuance and rhythm.
it needs to be better than artist who created it.
isnt that what art strives for?
so, i hope no one else minds my thoughts expressed here ...
they are more for discussion and encouragement, than for criticism.
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by grim6669 on
Saturday, 24th September 2005 @ 05:48:31 PM AEST
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| hey d_o_r!!!!! i love it i love it i love it!!!! you should read mine and tell me what you think!!!! mine are called "death of their lie" and "millions are dying" keep up the awsome poetry!! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ChibiMiroku on
Saturday, 8th October 2005 @ 02:04:01 AM AEST
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| Omfg, amazingly done. Wow. Just....wow. Wish I could write like that! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Coral on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 07:08:00 PM AEST
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BEAUTIFULLY put together!!!!!!!!
very nice |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by flamingblade on
Friday, 28th October 2005 @ 07:02:02 PM AEST
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| il ove it ! so beautiful! i cant express how much i appreciate this poem.Don't be cocky,But don't be insecure is my motto. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by flamingblade on
Friday, 28th October 2005 @ 07:02:03 PM AEST
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| il ove it ! so beautiful! i cant express how much i appreciate this poem.Don't be cocky,But don't be insecure is my motto. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ruby_dreamer on
Friday, 6th January 2006 @ 09:29:19 AM AEST
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| WONDERFUL!!!!!!!! I love the images. Even if that stupid guy up there picked at the little wording errors, it does not fail to captivate me as I read it! Wonderful job...apparantly this was posted a long time ago...glad I found it. ^____^ |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by MG_Akela22090 on
Wednesday, 22nd February 2006 @ 06:26:25 AM AEST
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| Very good. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by detourchick on
Friday, 24th February 2006 @ 07:07:15 PM AEST
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| that was really good so descriptive and kept up with the theme throughout the poem |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Adriean on
Monday, 6th March 2006 @ 01:42:48 AM AEST
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| I must say that I truelly enjoyed this poem of yours... it is a very good imaging poem. You are talented. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by PRECIOUSBECKY on
Wednesday, 29th March 2006 @ 06:10:15 PM AEST
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| This write makes me wish I were your object of affection, so delicately written with a rage storm of love .....absolutely beautiful |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
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by Somnium on
Sunday, 2nd April 2006 @ 08:35:10 AM AEST
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Beautiful poem, id love to meet this girl.
Ben :) |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by randumbchit on
Saturday, 8th April 2006 @ 01:56:12 PM AEST
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| loved it you should try to publish |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by palebluesun on
Saturday, 13th May 2006 @ 05:33:11 PM AEST
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| its amazing what beautiful poetry can be written from the inspiration of beauty.Very erotic,and probably more appreciated by men I would think. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by richcol7522 on
Saturday, 20th May 2006 @ 09:26:25 AM AEST
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| Wonderful write...Very good job keep up the great work. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Squishy on
Wednesday, 24th May 2006 @ 09:52:07 AM AEST
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| This is beautiful |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by a7x36 on
Monday, 12th June 2006 @ 03:35:10 AM AEST
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| reminds me of something Poe would write |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Tuesday, 8th August 2006 @ 12:53:19 AM AEST
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| wow impressive write. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by candysears on
Tuesday, 29th August 2006 @ 08:19:00 PM AEST
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This is beautiful...
Brilliant!
Blessings
C.S |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 03:31:08 PM AEST
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| Lovely write! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by DannyGirl on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 03:49:43 PM AEST
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| Lovely |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 25th October 2006 @ 10:04:06 AM AEST
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Tis is one of the best poems I have read so far! I can almost see this beautiful figure!!!
Excellent job!!!! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Balmain_Tiger on
Saturday, 11th November 2006 @ 07:40:09 AM AEST
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| The question has to be asked. What became of her? |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dom on
Saturday, 20th January 2007 @ 02:11:34 PM AEST
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I love some of the imagery in this, it seems that images of the extraordinary are the only possible way that you can describe her, and its very effective!
Dom |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by thexshattered on
Saturday, 10th March 2007 @ 09:00:27 AM AEST
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A large percentage of the poem was very good, though, I noticed a few lines that didn't seem as perfect as the rest.
The repetition of the line "In a shape shifters darkness, as moonlight becomes her." didn't really, you know, do anything for me. It depends on the execution of the line, probably.
In the last stanza, I suggest thinking of a different adjective for "perfection," since "perfect perfection" sounds a little redundant. It could be a synonym for perfect, which evens it out.
May I also suggest putting proper punctuation (commas and apostrophes mostly), because it's kind of confusing. The lack of a punctuation could make a line mean something completely different from what you're trying to say. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by inad on
Friday, 30th March 2007 @ 01:52:39 AM AEST
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| This poem moved me, its very inspiring and heartfelt |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilcherry312 on
Monday, 10th December 2007 @ 10:35:04 AM AEST
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| I have read and re-read this pome so many times. It is so beautifully written that it keeps drawing me back. Words cannot accurately describe the emotion it makes me feel inside. Thank you for creating something so amazing. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Marrs on
Friday, 21st March 2008 @ 05:34:14 PM AEST
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| I like. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by diba_perfect on
Saturday, 12th April 2008 @ 06:03:44 PM AEST
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| arguably the best poem I've read here..juz awesum.. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Arijadna77 on
Sunday, 4th May 2008 @ 08:27:21 PM AEST
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| Beautiful,sensitive,deep. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by franciswolf on
Tuesday, 13th May 2008 @ 05:52:29 PM AEST
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| Great imagery |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 5th December 2008 @ 02:55:58 PM AEST
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fantastic, so descriptive and sensual. extraordinary.
-phil |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ginabelle on
Thursday, 26th February 2009 @ 12:30:29 AM AEST
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| very well written! hope i can learn some things from you(lol) |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by thezenmonkey on
Wednesday, 22nd April 2009 @ 05:26:02 AM AEST
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You are a very talented poet!!!
I think maybe you should turn your talent to writing a novel!
If you did i'd be the first to buy it!! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by mutantfish on
Friday, 24th April 2009 @ 03:26:36 PM AEST
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very good
*thumbs up* |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 10th May 2009 @ 09:01:24 PM AEST
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| It was very good. The more I read it the more I like it. Keep writing. |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 3rd June 2009 @ 06:00:18 PM AEST
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| i liked it |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by AnthonyGoodwinJnr on
Tuesday, 15th September 2009 @ 01:27:59 PM AEST
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| Just great, I love it!! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by miamics on
Wednesday, 30th September 2009 @ 09:39:32 PM AEST
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| wow.....bravo |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by LexiLovesU on
Wednesday, 10th November 2010 @ 05:28:37 PM AEST
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| Such a fantastic poem |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by T-Bear on
Monday, 27th December 2010 @ 07:26:37 AM AEST
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| You can project your passion very well. Good read! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by T-Bear on
Monday, 27th December 2010 @ 07:27:37 AM AEST
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| Nice read! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Voyager on
Wednesday, 29th December 2010 @ 06:20:16 PM AEST
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I will place this among the best I have read on this website. Beautiful how you scaled the cosmic heights to describe the minute details of the woman's beauty and dove the depths of the soul to bring such beauty and feel to this poem. Every description had a universal and yet a familiar tone. Loved it! My favourite lines are:
"Capture a stars glisten as it lingers in the sky
Her soul silently levitating in the vastness of the night "
Welldone! |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by nachi1981 on
Monday, 14th March 2011 @ 07:49:29 PM AEST
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| Very good poem |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eagle on
Tuesday, 20th May 2014 @ 04:33:02 AM AEST
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It could have been perfect but for "perfect perfection" there must be a better way of describing perfection.
A mirage of utter perfection. A mirage of ideal perfection etc, etc... A mirage of dreamlike perfection.... |
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Re: As Moonlight Becomes Her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Sunday, 6th July 2014 @ 12:29:48 AM AEST
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i know i've read this multiple times over the years and
shame on me i believed i'd commented and was reading
them tonight and mines missing hmm.. so now all i
have left to say after everyone covered everything,
is:: truly beautiful!!
hugs n' love nessa
@->>->-- |
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