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Array
(
[sid] => 23850
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => rain coming down
[time] => 2003-09-26 06:05:00
[hometext] => this was written a while ago; i edited a bit, but my feelings are the same.
[bodytext] => it’s four pm here, so midnight there, and one more day that you’re away. never cried this way before, from so deep inside my heart. can’t make the tears stop, so guess i’ll let them stay sort of like soft rain coming down, on a blue-gray cloudy day. you know, i hear the music of your soul, but lately it fades, till it’s only just the radio and me singing along. then i think of other things and paint. i wonder if you’ll like this verse. it hurts to write, so the words come out like tears little black drops of sorrow. do you feel me here, within the words, you see i’ve been having trouble writing of late. mostly because i’m not seeing much of a point to it or it comes out flat, or i’m feeling too much at once. really easier just to bury it. say it isn’t so and write another smiley face poem. or not it really doesn’t fit, walking away for a while might be good. so nine pm here now, and pre-dawn there starts one more day that you’re away. and “24 hours” just came on tv, wonder if you watched it cause i haven’t in a while, maybe you can catch me up. i wonder if you’ll say hi or not, on this blue-gray cloudy day. oh, and did it rain, it rained all day yesterday and i went to the grocery store, did my shopping. you know in louisiana, well specifically in new orleans, you’d say, “makin groceries”. and i made it to the car before the tears started. and i cried all the way home, and while i put up the groceries too. oh and after that, until it was hard to breath, and i called well, you know who and she came, and made me take one of those pills that stops tears, as well as most other feeling which isn’t all that bad, i could get used to that. do you relate to numb or do you just fill your head with other stuff, well it won’t be hard for me to find other things to do, actually have to do, all those things i put off while living dead. shelving all, till all became the albatross the final months of my marriage became. oh and i suppose i’ve put off dealing with that, i think, but then, that’s what people say you know, that this divorcing or splitting or whatever after twenty years is a big deal. so got to come to terms. they say you do, but i’ve been coming to terms with it for more than too long. though, it’s still sad and yes, i am sad too, and i really don’t care for that. so write another smiley face poem. or not it really doesn’t fit, walking away for a while might be good. it’s 2am here now, so i will sleep for one more day that you’re away. the wind is promising more clouds and rain soon, i always loved listening to it fall. a melancholy music i can’t hear just now. too much sorrow coming down for this blue-gray cloudy day. but i’ve decided i’m not crying anymore, least not after tonight or this morning if it matters. you know, it does hurt to write in tears, and, i don’t care for that. i want to be moving but i’m standing still like jumping on a trampoline and being trapped in the space between up and down. time to ground myself, pick up my pieces and put them together. i’ll have to turn the music off, and i really miss your heart you know. feels sad, like holding beauty in a delicate flower then learning you must watch it wilt. will you tell me, please, how i can stop loving you. how do i not miss you. and it’s 3am here and four beers as well, for one more day that you’re away. no more tears tonight, that’s good for sleeping and tomorrow is another day i wonder if you’ll say hi. and i think that i may just paint the rain coming down real soft on a blue-gray cloudy day. i love you, still. [comments] => 6 [counter] => 217 [topic] => 48 [informant] => painted_echos [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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