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Array
(
[sid] => 22948
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => Poems from my life in general
[time] => 2003-09-09 04:35:00
[hometext] => I haven't written any poems on here in forever, I've been posting in a LiveJournal instead. The URL is http://www.livejournal.com/~xchildofgracex
[bodytext] => These are some two-minute poems concerning everyday events in my pathetic life: society requires my life in exchange for my life. i am absorbed. *** when it rains, it pours and then there is a drought. forget about everything, reset. i am not who i used to be. where did my essence go? i was passion itself, filled with fire. now i sleep too much and stare at the ceiling identifying with my fan anchored as it tries to fly away. someday it will fall, i fear. suddenly i realize that my life could end any moment, and i try to take it easy. *** what to do when the center of your world is snatched away so (quickly), gravity fails, and you have nothing to stand on, you fall up-wards and sideways without purpose now, walls cave in with all your life plans and you find yourself so small after all? *** 私は私の祈りしか達することができない海を渡って遠いけれども、私の中心の中のあなたの微笑を感じる。 私は天使が飛ぶことができると高く持ち上がる *** it seems i have finally found myself fearless doesn't hesitate to breathe boldly alive, just the way i like it 's too good to be true, i am charmed. (it seems i have finally found myself fearless. fearless doesn't hesitate to breathe boldly. boldly alive, just the way i like it. it's too good to be true. true, i am charmed.) *** transfusion. transferred life, new energy redeems collapsed veins. awakening. shake myself alive, push through the nightmare's wall. discovery. unfamiliar world now, step out and gasp fresh oxygen. decision. acknowledge strength, lay siege to these bright new lands. *** realm ripples... disturbance in the air. shudder. he is here. eyes pierce... penetration of my being. gasp. he controls me. my will becomes his, and my soul is bound tightly to freedom. there is no escape from this. i am still alone, now with wings. *** reality... no numbers to dial no emails expected no one to hold (me) ...will never see my face. *** you were so blue in the lunchroom. by the wooden pillar you gave me butterflies. such a tired angel. i wanted to smooth away the dark circles from under your eyes. i'd never seen a boy so sad and beautiful. it seemed you were falling as you stood. i handed you my smile. and after that, i handed you myself, not knowing if i should. my smile became yours and you lost me in yourself. before long, we were only we. i couldn't tell whose hand was whose, i forgot in which chest my heart beat. but we were still too young and wonderful to be in love. we had passion, no control. we were fast and we were foolish and we loved far too deeply, with all our soul. *** the asphalt in front of my house holds his memory in stains left by a little dark green beamer that parked there often. and i sigh inside for everything he is in my life, longing for a number on the caller id that was once always there. and lately my days seem so short and empty and incomplete. and somehow things aren't the same around here without him. *** she slaps... my face with a palmfull of spit. i've never been so hated before. shock contracts my belly, causing me to gag. a throbbing inside my head pushes tears through my eyes. my body is trying to rid itself of a venom that entered it through my ears. but it's too late, the venom has already soaked into my soul. *** one leg and then the other, one leg and then the other... so is a journey walking neck-deep in mire. i press forward. nothing to worry about, a promise is a promise. i have one that i will never be left or forsaken. so, i press forward. i am tired but i realize no swamp cannot stretch on forever. all bad things must come to an end. and so, I PRESS FORWARD. *** importance has drained away so quickly. i'm impurities rinsed. no more special. no more best or even at all, i don't think. busy with everything else, acting like you/i don't care about a smile from the other. but then, you're not an actor. i get it. i'm tired. i'm tired of people meaning more to me than i to them. of only being a friend of a friend to my friends. i'm not legit. i'm lonely. i'm just lonely for another pair of plaid pants and a hand to hold that presents a happy x. but no, no one is like me. i watch them laugh together. walk in sets of three or four. wish. i am not an outcast, just an outsider. i am not rejected, just ignored. friendliness implies friends, not alonliness. so, i don't seem alone. and i'm not. there's one far away who is here. but sometimes i still... *** lately arguments are all we can do, it seems. (we seem. strained.) i want to stop yelling. i want to (reach out and touch your face.) but we're too busy fighting about things (we truly agree on anyway.) living sacrifice versus vessel of Christ. dead man versus butterfly. can't we see we see the same (things in different word choices?) *** disapproved of. not a cool cat, i have no tight, dirty bluejeans. preferences not godly. i look like what he left behind. i look like. i don't look right. stand up for being a hypocrite, another pharisee. i attract sinners because i wear such plaid pants. that is the point, yes. his music is screamier than mine. angrier, more hateful, violent too. the attitude is the same. all violence and hate. he does not hold that. he knows me better than to judge my plaids. i do not hold that, either. *** moved mountains, exorcised in Christ's name. worthless. preached, teached, and prophesied like a clanging cymbal. gave everything to the poor. they received nothing at all. understood all mysteries but missed the simplest truth. *** i don't waaaant you anymooore!!! i scream at my pillows, the dream mailmen. i hope the message is delivered to the one it is intended for. voodoo. i toss him across the room. *** intertwined spirits quickly. there is such a thing as being too honest, too fast. stifle your heartbeat. let no blood flow from your lips, lest it sign a contract. be cautious to not misplace your hope, for it will be lost anywhere under heaven. security is found in no flesh and blood but those that were given for us upon a cross. *** chest swells as heart pumps blood much too fast for veins to accommodate. see scarlet rising? my eyes become bloodshot so that i can only see red. the color seeps into my brain, destroying all logic as i begin to scream... ****** All these poems make more sense in the context of my journal... Check it out, if you want. [comments] => 0 [counter] => 146 [topic] => 25 [informant] => xxironsharpensironxx [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => MiscPoems )
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