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| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 29-May 15:05:04 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 22415
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => death is only the beginning
[time] => 2003-08-28 00:05:00
[hometext] => i don't think i've ever put as much of myself into a write as i did in this one. a bit long, but i think it's well worth it. one fool's discovery that killing himself was a beginning of an even more intricate hell, rather than the ending of imagined suffering. i hope you enjoy...
[bodytext] => red gives way to white as the wound bleeds itself dry for so long, i was convinced that this would end it for so long, i was ignorant to the permanence of pain ignorant to the everlasting scars that mere physical death cannot erase i thought this was the answer all along lying in the forest the bullet lodged in my brain all vital signs will swear i'm dead but, my mind ticks on, oblivious to such things replaying the past taunting with a future i can no longer have just carrying on with business i think no new thoughts no new sensations are revealed to me i cannot move, nor stimulate my brain so it merely replays ever past pain every sorrow, every loss, every moment of guilt every reason that i did this in the first place no happy memories surface i can recall no joy from life, though i'm sure there was some so i endure the same blooper reel of agony over and over and over from every angle and point of view imaginable and eventually, new horrors and trials are thrown in and they somehow sting worse than the ones that really happened days and nights pass, like they always have and my unclosing eyes stare at the sky bugs and coyotes pick at my body in my head, i scream at them to leave me be but, my lips don't move, i make no sound i just lie there and decompose as i rot, i wonder what she's doing now i wonder if she's worried about me yet or if she's even noticed i'm gone i wonder why in the hell i did this in the first place it should have been so obvious the brain will not yield to the heart's cessation time passes, (though i'm not sure how much who cares what time it is when you're dead?) my brain decays into a thick jelly and oozes out the holes that have been chewed in my head my memories, my deepest thoughts and fears drip out, unremarkably, onto the forest floor each particle of grey matter is a piece of me even as the smaller ones are whisked away with the breeze i am with them, i am part of them as i am a part of the remaining pool of brain that hardens on the soil beneath my head seeing with a thousand "third eyes" living beings cannot achieve such madness (i pray madly, with each part of my divided brain to any god that will hear me "let me go back, let me take this back even if only to prolong this a bit longer let me go back and eat a stick of dynamite so that my brain will be destroyed" but, no god's hear my words no forgiving angel appears to cleanse my tears and i lie on the grass, unable even to cry) seasons pass, but the brain trudges on in a most horrifically distorted fashion being separated, unsheltered in the elements and with Nothing but the same stimulation it begins to eat and regurgitate itself with a savagery that could be likened only to a self-destructing cancer finally, after uncounted time, my universal consciousness dims and i experience two vivid "thoughts" before passing on the first is a depiction of the Hell i was promised after Death fire, eternal pain and torture, all the trimmings from here, it seems like a paradise beyond all imagination and the second, the most damning "thought" ever conjured was a simple message from an entity far wiser than i and as i accepted and understood the message my spirit screamed with an anguish i only thought i'd known in life the message? "This is only the beginning..." [comments] => 5 [counter] => 164 [topic] => 31 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => StoryPoetry )
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