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Array
(
[sid] => 22131
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => like the death of an old friend
[time] => 2003-08-20 08:45:00
[hometext] => when cutting doesn't help anymore. and for those who don't understand cutting, read this. there is a short description on why it is so appealing. at least, for me anyway.
[bodytext] => pain doesn't hurt needles no longer sting vulnerable for so long now, numb to everything this skin can't be mine it just doesn't fit now all of these scars don't mean ***** become so numb now there's nothing left to feel lost the assurance of the pain that was so real so many years spent wincing at every touch now i can't feel the pain that i depended on so much forever severed from the thrill of the blade all sensation gone sorrow resurfaced and displayed can't fight the despair with a new bleeding wound all defenses gone as depression intrudes become so numb now there's nothing left to feel lost the assurance of the pain that was so real so many years spent wincing at every touch now i can't feel the pain that i depended on so much everyone always asked me what cutting did for me i told them that when i broke the skin it was like being set free from a mind's eye so voyeuristic when it comes to agony cutting's the only thing other than suicide that will ever bring me peace finally in control of the pain that i receive no more a victim to the whippings of social enemies the discomfort that i cause myself is small in comparison to the leering eyes and whispered words that i suffer from my "fellow men" (the pain is the only thing that's real) cutting simply makes me happy it clears my mind of thoughts of pain cutting is simply all i have til i give up and go for the vein and now i've lost the warm sensation that cutting gave to me if you've never cut, then you won't understand the madness this will bring i've lost my only release my only therapy now my thoughts are free to take over me and drive me, screaming, to insanity (nothing left, oh god, there's nothing left) making love to the blade, one last time guiding it deeper pressing it deeper to sever the vein that feeds this Hell of mine can't look back this time no going back this time as everything i fought to protect just spills onto the floor [comments] => 5 [counter] => 164 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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