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Array ( [sid] => 21254 [catid] => 1 [aid] => Mick [title] => Self-Pity to Self-Hatred [time] => 2003-07-30 14:35:00 [hometext] => * I chose war poetry because it portrays the war going on inside of me. This poem sounds hopeless and I guess it is hehe. * [bodytext] => Breaths come in shallow gasps
If I close my eyes,
I envision myself falling
I'm crumbling like an old building
I'm useless like a plastic water gun
Bought at a buck or two store

Trying to lift my head
My eyes are cloudy, losing control
Tasting terror, feeling fear, married to malice
Stumbled across this path
To many times to count
Everything's a mess

Eyes wide, mouth wide open
Trying to gulp down air
Like a fish outta water
Willing the pain to stay
Yet wanting it to go away
Slipping in and out of consciousness

The burns on my arm are throbbing
Self-pity starts to take over
And self-hatred replaces that
Pain takes me to a new dimension
I want to hold the rose,
But I'm impaled on the thorn [comments] => 3 [counter] => 230 [topic] => 57 [informant] => bobotheclown [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => war )
Self-Pity to Self-Hatred

Contributed by bobotheclown on Wednesday, 30th July 2003 @ 02:35:00 PM in AEST
Topic: war



Breaths come in shallow gasps
If I close my eyes,
I envision myself falling
I'm crumbling like an old building
I'm useless like a plastic water gun
Bought at a buck or two store

Trying to lift my head
My eyes are cloudy, losing control
Tasting terror, feeling fear, married to malice
Stumbled across this path
To many times to count
Everything's a mess

Eyes wide, mouth wide open
Trying to gulp down air
Like a fish outta water
Willing the pain to stay
Yet wanting it to go away
Slipping in and out of consciousness

The burns on my arm are throbbing
Self-pity starts to take over
And self-hatred replaces that
Pain takes me to a new dimension
I want to hold the rose,
But I'm impaled on the thorn




Copyright © bobotheclown ... [ 2003-07-30 14:35:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Self-Pity to Self-Hatred (User Rating: 1 )
by hardcoreputa on Thursday, 31st July 2003 @ 02:20:37 AM AEST
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lots of imegry... i liked it... keep it up~Apryl


Re: Self-Pity to Self-Hatred (User Rating: 1 )
by Jason_Robert_Britt on Friday, 1st August 2003 @ 03:51:16 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
This is really really really really really really really really good. Your discriptive write and use of comparisons are great...
"If I close my eyes,
I envision myself falling
I'm crumbling like an old building
I'm useless like a plastic water gun
Bought at a buck or two store"
.....brilliantly said, and....
"I want to hold the rose,
But I'm impaled on the thorn"
You are definately one of my favorite writters on this site... I know people will enjoy your work for generations to come(if we all live long enough to make new generations.)


Re: Self-Pity to Self-Hatred (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 29th August 2003 @ 08:14:53 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Awesome poem.The war within ourselves is always the brutalists battles to fight,and always makes for the most beautiful of poems.




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