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Array
(
[sid] => 21000
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => A DREAM OF AN IDEAL END OR MY VISION OF MY DEATH
[time] => 2003-07-26 02:35:00
[hometext] => I don't even know why I wrote this
[bodytext] => It was a dark night, strangely lighted by a pale bright, moonlight and starlight blend in a cadaveric glare profound and boring every shadow with it’s cold luminescence , yet the evanescent presences of that shiny ray could not pierce the dark clouds that veiled my restless dreams, but was I awake or was I asleep all the time I remember awaking in a cell or maybe in a jail, made of human flesh and bones, tainted with blood, so sweet scented, like the candy-like taste of death, embraced by dark shades, with blood on my face and dirt in my veins, intoxicated by the beauty of the unknown, awed by the fear of what’s beyond I remember running through tunnels devoid of light and hope, yet did I ever had or wanted any of those?, seeking for something I didn’t know, wanting something I’ve never seen, with my blood boiling seething hot in my veins, foretelling maybe the pain to be gain, in infernal realms my feet treaded the darkest ways. And then a wondrous valley opens in front of my gaze, a land covered with the corpses of men rotting so sweet, swallowed by rivers of purple blood, with a crimson blur, and a voice in the wind, more like a wail or a mourn than a whisper, crying to me, beseeching to me, to behold the fields I will stain, and the rivers of blood that I will shed Then the landscape changes, and I see the rivers of flame bursting high in the darkened sky, upon a black sun, irradiating darkness, and then I see them, the horde, the brood, countless myriads of demons, looking for me, desiring me for I am to be a sacrifice to the demons of my dreams, to die as human to reborn as a beast. Seeking to eliminate pain from my life I gave myself unto them, only to find pain never really goes away, it almost seems that it gets intensified as one reaches death, as the knife buries more and more deep inside my own flesh, as my blood starts to flow, as it drenches my skin, as I left humanity behind I realize the truth. I long for my humanity long time lost, but now it’s to late, my own body changed, mutilated, deformed into that of a beast, lusting for blood and fresh meat, craving for violence and sins, loving and hating my new improved self, I see the mirror of my soul, and I see how it reflects my malice back. And when everything is as foretold, as I shed innocent blood, then it appears a shadow from the past, a light reborn, from the flames and the purity of pain, It shocks me with its gleam, for it’s the light of my own forgotten soul, redeeming my life of despair, with the sweet embrace of oblivions arms. Me fighting myself, the righteous and the wicked part, instead of being as one, they are torn apart, the conflict, the inner struggle between my two desires, the one who craves for love, the one who craves for blood, will they some day be as one, as it was meant to be? Then time passes by, and sleep says good bye and I awake again into my life of confinement, ever wondering which part of my soul is now on the stage [comments] => 0 [counter] => 178 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Fenril(_a.k.a_ZTAP) [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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