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Array
(
[sid] => 185338
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I Eat Dog Food
[time] => 2018-08-06 22:41:37
[hometext] => A fictional poem.
[bodytext] => I once drove a brand new car and lived in a nice apartment.
But now I/'/m dirt poor and I live down by the lake in a tent.
I get angry because of people/'/s attitudes.
People laugh at me because I eat dog food.
I eat it every day because it/'/s cheap.
People laugh because they/'/re creeps.
I started eating dog food because I saw David Letterman do it.
It looked mighty tasty when I saw him chew it.
I eat it at the beach, while riding on buses and subways and at the park.
I/'/m getting worried because all of that dog food has started making me bark.
I/'/ve also started licking my butt and fetching sticks.
When women see me eat dog food, it makes them sick.
If you/'/re wondering if I/'/ll quit, the answer is no.
I/'/ll never stop eating dog food, I need my Alpo.
Please don/'/t point and laugh at me, please don/'/t be rude.
Everybody thinks that I/'/m a freak because I eat dog food.
[comments] => 4
[counter] => 76
[topic] => 7
[informant] => randyjohnson
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => HumorPoetry
)
I Eat Dog Food
Contributed by
randyjohnson
on
Monday, 6th August 2018 @ 10:41:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
HumorPoetry
|
I once drove a brand new car and lived in a nice apartment.
But now I/'/m dirt poor and I live down by the lake in a tent.
I get angry because of people/'/s attitudes.
People laugh at me because I eat dog food.
I eat it every day because it/'/s cheap.
People laugh because they/'/re creeps.
I started eating dog food because I saw David Letterman do it.
It looked mighty tasty when I saw him chew it.
I eat it at the beach, while riding on buses and subways and at the park.
I/'/m getting worried because all of that dog food has started making me bark.
I/'/ve also started licking my butt and fetching sticks.
When women see me eat dog food, it makes them sick.
If you/'/re wondering if I/'/ll quit, the answer is no.
I/'/ll never stop eating dog food, I need my Alpo.
Please don/'/t point and laugh at me, please don/'/t be rude.
Everybody thinks that I/'/m a freak because I eat dog food.
Copyright ©
randyjohnson
... [
2018-08-06 22:41:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Eat Dog Food
(User Rating: 1 )
by Deidra_Carmichael on
Tuesday, 7th August 2018 @ 02:49:21 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I’ll admit that I found the title humorous, and that caused me to click on it. The humor is still there amid a deeper, more serious story. Glad to hear that this scenario is fiction, and that you’re not really residing in a tent by the lake. Great work, blessings,
Deidra |
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Re: I Eat Dog Food
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 12th August 2018 @ 10:41:25 AM AEST
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a Message)
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well, first from the title, I eat dog food,
reminded me of me, when I grew up,
yes it/'/s true, I actually ate dog biscuits,
they tasted okay, and you know, I was
something like sixteen before I ever visited
the dentist, he said my teeth were great,
I had no cavities, dog bones are good
for dogs teeth and human boys too,
I surmised, and they don/'/t taste all that
bad. Almost like a hardened Graham Cracker
that last a long time, much longer than a glass
of milk.
You/'/d find me dunking the dog biscuit in the milk,
No - I never did that, that would be freaking
weird, the dog says, what is this guy doing with
the dog biscuit, eating it so strangely unlike
the way it was meant to be eaten.
But it could fill you up when you were hungry.
If it didn/'/t kill our dog, it probably wouldn/'/t kill
me neither. Not that I ever gave it that much
thought back then.
Alpo was so mushy, mutteny, so gross
I felt sorry for any dog who had to eat it,
far worse than spam or Vienna Sausages,
And then, the dog bowl would have this Alpo
residue, that only more Alpo could fix,
This was before the dishwasher, before people
would take the time to place the dog bowl in the sink,
with all the other dishes after a eating some baked or human type fried food.
Kind of like eating a Big Mac, with the beef
completely uncooked,
So that the pickles get all mooshe
And there you are looking at Bessie
the Milk Cow, mostly liquid a certain
percentage of milk fat, I think she is smiling
her nipples are raw because of me,
I think she/'/s saying...
Peace! |
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Re: I Eat Dog Food
(User Rating: 1 )
by softerware on
Thursday, 16th August 2018 @ 04:10:55 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I am so grateful that you preface this write with its fictional posture! There is a strong statement behind your sarcastic humor, if the reader wishes to see it; or we can just enjoy your rhyme and fantasy. Your observations are not lost in your lighthearted mix. You sell us medicine that tastes like candy.
softerware |
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Re: I Eat Dog Food
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Friday, 31st August 2018 @ 10:55:08 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Some would say its a logical progression - dogs eat human food so vice versa is always a proposition.
I liked the humour in here but I/'/m fully aware of of the darker undertones hidden within it.
Just don/'/t start howling at the moon !!
Steve |
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