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Array
(
[sid] => 184019
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => then again
[time] => 2017-03-20 13:26:40
[hometext] => staring down the barrel of rehab, havent written in a while, so this will do quite nicely.
[bodytext] => then again
-------------
i wonder what my shape will be
will i fit in anywhere
when i cooperate with the scars i hate
then never...ever...care
will i bounce around? roll uphill?
against the sense of plush obscene
as i tear into the future
with a characteristic gleam
will i simply meld into the mold
like silly putty died
an embarrassment to pliable
a travesty to tried
will i measure up to the bigger me
or fall just short of my skin
an ever-present echo
until death...and then again
joshua howell
3-16-2017
[comments] => 6
[counter] => 581
[topic] => 66
[informant] => Jigget
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => drugabuse
)
then again
Contributed by
Jigget
on
Monday, 20th March 2017 @ 01:26:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
then again
-------------
i wonder what my shape will be
will i fit in anywhere
when i cooperate with the scars i hate
then never...ever...care
will i bounce around? roll uphill?
against the sense of plush obscene
as i tear into the future
with a characteristic gleam
will i simply meld into the mold
like silly putty died
an embarrassment to pliable
a travesty to tried
will i measure up to the bigger me
or fall just short of my skin
an ever-present echo
until death...and then again
joshua howell
3-16-2017
Copyright ©
Jigget
... [
2017-03-20 13:26:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: then again
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Monday, 20th March 2017 @ 02:31:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I wish u well in your journey
don/'/t dwell on the sense to belong
flow in the sense to be free
to be yourself with out your demon...... |
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Re: then again
(User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on
Tuesday, 21st March 2017 @ 08:59:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
still fightin/'/ the fight/'/...it never ends manno.
I go to AA and NA three times a week. AA is child/'/s play next to NA. (booze is child/'/s play next to drugs).
Jiggget, dude...you know how much I dig your poetry, (and by extension, you, the person). I don/'/t know if you have tried NA, but if not, you should. IT WORKS.
I didn/'/t go for 30 years because of the god /*****/. I messed up. Even now, god is no part of my program, and I say so in meetings. Fuck anyone who has a problem with that.
For me, my /'/higher power/'/, as they say one must have (and I agree) was and IS what you define in your poem above, "will i measure up to THE BIGGER ME". That/'/s IT.
My higher power is the vision I have of MYSELF; a /'/me/'/, without drugs ruling my days, thoughts, nights, attitudes, actions, relationships and essence of who I am. In this vision, I am thinner, a successful (commercially) writer, a furniture maker and restorer and auction hound making bucks on the buy low/sell high paradigm. And THAT is actually coming to pass, even now.
Dude, when I stopped using and drinking, a whole new world of talent opened up inside me.
What I thought before was that drugs /'/release/'/ the /'/spark/'/ in me; what REALLY happens is the drugs inhibit that spark. It is true.
A tedious test to be sure, but if you care enough or have time, go to my poems. Read at random- three BEFORE Oct. 20th 2015. Then go and do the same with three others AFTER Oct. 20, 2015. I would suggest pages one or two as they come up for the post readings.
Jigget, you are unique. Don/'/t let the /*****/ keep you from being incredible.
Invierno |
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Re: then again
(User Rating: 1 )
by softerware on
Tuesday, 21st March 2017 @ 03:08:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Your write strikes a cord with all readers. Everyone is struggling with inner demons of some sort, and your self questioning is valid. Keep seeing your future self as you want to be. If you can picture it; you can get there. Focus on who you will be, until the past no longer fits you. .
They tell me you can/'/t score a home run with one foot on first base! The hardest thing for me was to let go of the present. suspend my beliefs. Trust myself to find my way. ---When you are ready, you will make your own rules, and the world will still be here with the door wide open. softerware |
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Re: then again
(User Rating: 1 )
by karoody on
Saturday, 25th March 2017 @ 05:44:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
none of us fit in the mold
none of us
but some of us, like you, fight to make ourselves better
forget the mold and focus on that future
best of luck to you
thank you for sharing this with us
kara |
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Re: then again
(User Rating: 1 )
by thezenmonkey on
Tuesday, 28th March 2017 @ 02:06:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
i went to some NA meetings, wasnt for me
you dont need to stop u just need like i need myself to know when to stop! everything in moderation! im not saying to stop what u like doing, im saying to know when to stop! there is a difference, i do what i do but i/'/ve learnt when to stop, total abstinence aint for everybody just excersise a little discipline and self control and life will be good! not everybody can do this though i must admit, but i liked your poem very much! its a good poem! |
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Re: then again
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 31st March 2017 @ 04:09:46 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
feeling powerless running from the room
from the sun and moon
toward nothingness like
mongrel shedding it all the dread
all the anticipation speechless
nakedness to find the howl
to howl out with no world
all alone
zero gravity no measurement
just to feel ruin feel destruction
to finally succumb
no more why what for where or when
I was thinking they wished that
they tried to stop it
but they then said with no apology
there was no way they could
deal with me
I was only thinking and then
I heard A story about hardship
And settled down a bit
but I could break something I thought
I wished that I could
So I ran all the time thinking I could
run forever until I couldnt
And only after I slept
the manic good and gone
And hopefully forever
since I never awoke
Peace! |
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