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Array
(
[sid] => 182931
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => should have been me
[time] => 2016-04-14 08:05:48
[hometext] => yes... it was a gift to have shared those years... however...
[bodytext] =>
to my children i apologize
that they were stuck with
only
me the parent remaining
when the beautiful one so
charismatic and full of life
was
taken forever
♥
my youngest never saw a
video of his dad til a day
ago
never quite believed love
i have claimed was so real
for: fondly remembering our
lives
back then
♥
no, love is clearly, truly in
undeniably, irrevocably, old
video
right there for all the world to
clearly see as once real tangible
beauty, a presence ive held in
my
heart all
♥
these years- for i had all these
memories stored in a safe box
that
has been burst wide open, the
lock shattered, top overflowing
heart ripped into a million pieces
all
over again
♥
no longer am i able to pretend
the way i have for far too long
that
im okay with life taking our love
away- i have smiled and claimed
happiness when there has been
none
left in
♥
my soul since the day he died
anyone can fake that they are
fine
til the dam explodes loneliness
in uncontrollable waves of tears
water creating wretched havoc
overwhelming
every thing
♥
i am unable to move, frozen in
place, left wanting, bereft of any
coherent
expression to my children i love
with all my heart about how sorry
i am they were stuck with a parent
who
only writes
♥
sorry they lost a beautiful soul
who equally loved them with all
his
heart and was ripped away from
all he loved in this world forever
looking down upon us longing to
simply
be reunited.
♥
[comments] => 8
[counter] => 321
[topic] => 50
[informant] => ladyfawn
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => ApologyPoetry
)
should have been me
Contributed by
ladyfawn
on
Thursday, 14th April 2016 @ 08:05:48 AM in AEST
Topic:
ApologyPoetry
|
to my children i apologize
that they were stuck with
only
me the parent remaining
when the beautiful one so
charismatic and full of life
was
taken forever
♥
my youngest never saw a
video of his dad til a day
ago
never quite believed love
i have claimed was so real
for: fondly remembering our
lives
back then
♥
no, love is clearly, truly in
undeniably, irrevocably, old
video
right there for all the world to
clearly see as once real tangible
beauty, a presence ive held in
my
heart all
♥
these years- for i had all these
memories stored in a safe box
that
has been burst wide open, the
lock shattered, top overflowing
heart ripped into a million pieces
all
over again
♥
no longer am i able to pretend
the way i have for far too long
that
im okay with life taking our love
away- i have smiled and claimed
happiness when there has been
none
left in
♥
my soul since the day he died
anyone can fake that they are
fine
til the dam explodes loneliness
in uncontrollable waves of tears
water creating wretched havoc
overwhelming
every thing
♥
i am unable to move, frozen in
place, left wanting, bereft of any
coherent
expression to my children i love
with all my heart about how sorry
i am they were stuck with a parent
who
only writes
♥
sorry they lost a beautiful soul
who equally loved them with all
his
heart and was ripped away from
all he loved in this world forever
looking down upon us longing to
simply
be reunited.
♥
Copyright ©
ladyfawn
... [
2016-04-14 08:05:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: should have been me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Elisabeth on
Thursday, 14th April 2016 @ 09:12:17 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Thank you for sharing this. Having to look back can be frightening, but often helps to move us along the healing process. Share him and your writing more with your kids and let them cherish him with you. Hang in there!
-Elisabeth |
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Re: should have been me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 15th April 2016 @ 02:59:04 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Geez, Nessa, a real tearjerker that you wrote here. I have a lump in my throat. But I am sure your children still love you as equally as they would have or can love him. Very well written poem thank you for sharing it with us.
My dad died when I was eighth but my mom still did a hell of a job raising us. Don/'/t beat yourself up. 💜
*huge hug* |
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Re: should have been me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 16th April 2016 @ 07:52:42 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I came online just to have a read, and not get involved, but on reading your poem I simply must, because it is, simply, so profoundly sad. Please don/'/t beat yourself up, you have nothing to apologise for. You love your children; you can do no more, and you loss is greater. I/'/m sending you that which you send so generously to others
Hugs and love from Red x |
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Re: should have been me
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Saturday, 16th April 2016 @ 06:57:44 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Oh Nessa my words cannot even express the emotions I feel reading this love you
hugs
Michelle |
|
|
Re: should have been me
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Saturday, 16th April 2016 @ 06:57:45 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Oh Nessa my words cannot even express the emotions I feel reading this love you
hugs
Michelle |
|
|
Re: should have been me
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Saturday, 16th April 2016 @ 06:57:47 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Oh Nessa my words cannot even express the emotions I feel reading this love you
hugs
Michelle |
|
|
Re: should have been me
(User Rating: 1 )
by softerware on
Sunday, 17th April 2016 @ 03:19:03 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Tessa, if I could hold you in my arms, I would.
I have been near to where you stand, and you describe the feeling and helplessness so well, it took me back all over again.
My daughter is 53 now, and she doesn/'/t remember that we once lived on welfare..only the fun we had trying to make homemade Christmas gifts! I beat myself up for years for no reason.
I underestimated my children. And if yours are like you, what a gift you have given them!
softerware |
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Re: should have been me
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Sunday, 24th April 2016 @ 01:54:17 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
One cannot control what is uncontrollable. Some children have neither parent, nor loved one, to guide them and be there. Trying to hide your hurt is not okay either. These are natural, healthy feelings and it teaches empathy and understanding. Some people/parents would choose an escape route after such devastation. You stuck around and handled the cards you were dealt, the best you could. For that you should hold your head up high and not apologize for being human.
~Scorp |
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