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Laborious Defect
Contributed by
xHeathenx
on
Tuesday, 24th March 2015 @ 05:38:22 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
My respected authority has chased me, to the brink of the ledge
With my sweating and chattered teeth, I am now on edge
I struggle with chaotic moods, as some kind faces turn against me
Menial tasks I've done well, are shifting into horrible mistakes
Anxiety is swarming, in my boiling blood
Hating everything I do, or am I hating my self?
It's getting the better of me, an overwhelming guilt
If only I can fix this mess, before my pride is spilt
Copyright ©
xHeathenx
... [
2015-03-24 05:38:22] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Laborious Defect
(User Rating: 1 ) by Waynster on
Tuesday, 24th March 2015 @ 06:26:02 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Okay, hear is my opinion! I love reading your poetry for one. However, you tend to confuse me and I have to reread the stanzas to grasp your point or the feeling within the poem. I this is because you don't keep your poem in flow. What I mean is, you start out with blending your poem with a rhyming word or words, then you throw the stanza off with a word that does not rhyme and sends a reader off into another direction. Then the next stanza you mix and match rhyming and non rhyming again. it breaks the flow of your poem, even if you have wonderful words and meaning, making it flow is like polishing those words and a reader can read that poem without any confusion or understanding. Which leaves a reader in awe over your work.
Just my own opinion
wayne |
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Re: Laborious Defect
(User Rating: 1 ) by ladyfawn on
Friday, 27th March 2015 @ 03:13:06 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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perhaps you are too hard on yourself? or time to find
another job? nothing is worth loosing your peace of
mind over, if it can be helped:)
hugs n' love nessa |
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