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Array
(
[sid] => 18005
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => Swan Song of a Different Note
[time] => 2003-05-23 12:35:00
[hometext] => suicide scrawl, but with a different catalyst.
[bodytext] => years spent in shame
resentment running deep smiling as i hide my feelings dying to make you proud you made it clear from the start what you expected of me what i really wanted just didn't fit in but, i loved you and i wanted you to love me so i played the part to make you proud of me i played on the team had a different girl every week i kept up my grades and you never had a clue oh, i had my secrets desires for days but you never saw i locked it all away why couldn't you just love me no matter what i did instead of making me live out your dreams compensating for your failures well i can't do it anymore i'm sorry if i've dissapointed you but i simply cannot go on living your dreams for you if i'd felt like i could tell you all of this if i'd felt like i didn't have to hide then maybe none of this would've happened maybe i wouldn't have felt it would be better to die but, this gun is more forgiving than you will ever be so i left this note, so you would understand just what was wrong with me yes dad, i love you, i wanted to make you proud and i'm sorry i couldn't say this to your face but dad, your little boy was gay and he was tired of feeling like a disgrace don't worry dad, no one else knows i never spoke these desires out loud please don't hate me for using your gun i know you hate queers but, i hope you can still look back on my life and find a way to be proud of your son [comments] => 5 [counter] => 185 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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