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Array
(
[sid] => 179244
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Food Follies
[time] => 2014-09-07 04:23:07
[hometext] => The things Betty Crocker never told us.
[bodytext] => With cookbook in hand and a nice glass of sherry; (To sharpen the wit and make logic blurry) Let’s visit some fables that few talk about; The stuff Betty Crocker wisely, left out! We take food for granted and let it go buy; But just for tonight, let’s wonder why! Ketchup emerged in dribbles at first Then suddenly emptied in one messy burst! We finally got it to go where we please; (Fisticuffs lost to a nice gentle squeeze!) Meringues give desserts a nice glossy coat; Leaving behind a bowl full of yolks! One little egg doesn't go very far, Until you try cleaning one up off the floor! Flour keeps our batters from sticking it’s true; Yet hot water bonds it to dishes like glue! It’s easy to measure and sift as you please; But you’ll wax kabuki from one ill-timed sneeze! Don’t opt for Molasses if speed is your goal; It sicks to the bottle and clings the bowl! It runs when it’s hot, and stops when it’s cold; And gingers our plumbing quite well I am told! Lettuce and celery, raw cabbage do; Add lots of percussion whenever we chew! But calorie-wise they keep our cheeks hollow; Cause chewing burns more than most of us swallow! No one trusts Milk in spite of their thirst! Partaking's preceded by smelling it first! And who was the brave man that first set about; Yanking a cow to see what came out? Cream beaten cold gives shortcake a head; But cream beaten warm makes butter instead! We never see breadcrumbs or croutons on sale; Cause nobody knows how to tell when they’re stale! Limes tang our drinks and pucker our pie; But linger the longest when splashed in the eye! Mayonnaise makes salads, and shines up our hair; And turns homicidal when left in warm air! Mashed fried or baked, how can we lose? (The peels feed the pigs and the juice turns to booze)! Potatoes no doubt take the most curtain calls. From fighting off scurvy to stenciling walls! Our kitchens are filled with foodie delights; Villains and heroes in their own rights. Next time you reach for a quick midnight snack; Maybe you’ll laugh and put it right back! I'll tell you a secret on which I rely! You've got the best therapist money can buy! To tell you you're gorgeous (ain't it the truth?) And where will you find this fountain of youth? Just walk to your kitchen; that's all you need do! Fling open the cupboard; and here's what ensues: You're buttons will pop; You'll swell up with pride; And I guarantee that you're gonna decide; It's tough to be humble as you stand compared; To prunes full of wrinkles and corn with gray hairs! [comments] => 5 [counter] => 139 [topic] => 7 [informant] => softerware [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => HumorPoetry )
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