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Array
(
[sid] => 178850
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => October 12
[time] => 2014-07-20 16:16:18
[hometext] => A birthday poem about my mom who passed when I was a baby
[bodytext] => I really wish you would say something. I guess that night, I prayed for nothing Which is why I haven't prayed in weeks, I'm frustrated I'm not the average believer who has ample patience When consequences are always breathing on my neck I'm striving for success waiting beyond death Which I'll die trying Or simply die And still fail to meet you on the other side If you're even there... How do I know you're not in Hell? Let me guess, that's like saying how do I know I'm going to Hell... Well difference between the two is... Well how God never answered my prayers, The prayers about me at least... But I'm not blaming him, God is never to blame. It's entirely my fault, I'm taking full responsibility for my life being a mess. But if you're in Heaven, And I'm praying to him, Why haven't you sent me a sign or anything? WHY HASN'T HE SENT ME A SIGN OR ANYTHING? I wake up unhappy everyday, I go to bed unhappy every night. If you're "in my heart" so to speak, why can't I feel your spirit in my time of need? Why can't I hear your voice when I'm alone? And I'm ALWAYS alone! I prayed to God for him to sent you to me in my dreams... You never came. I wanna know what you thought about me... About my life at this very point in time, About my poetry. I wanted to know what you thought and tell me if I should keep going because I'm ready to give up... But I have this little part of me that ends up trying to write something new anyway, And I'm tired of trying when most of me isn't in it. And the thing that makes me angry the most? How weak I am. How could you give birth to such a weak being? I am nothing without the world's voice, let alone yours. AND I HATE IT! Anything positive I or anyone else tells me feels like a lie And no matter how much I try to ignore the negative, I just can't. I even try to embrace it in my poetry, But when I'm going through these things Why don't I ever hear from you? Why don't you ever speak to me when I'm alone? And I'm ALWAYS alone. I even prayed to God for you to come to me in my dreams... You never came. And the only explanation for that is you could be in Hell. But if you're with God... Why haven't you sent me a sign or anything? WHY HASN'T HE SENT ME A SIGN OR ANYTHING? Of all people that say anything to me, I wanna hear from you the most! Tell me anything, let me know something! You're ashamed of me, you're proud of me You love me, you hate me, something... Just as long as you're being honest with me... And honestly, we both know you're not proud of me So don't send anyone on earth to tell me you are... Because you'll be just like everyone else that lies to me with the same bullcrap Thinking it'll sound more truthful than the first time... Like how people tell me I'm talented... Like how people tell me I'm an amazing guy... And it won't sound any more truthful than the first time And it'll only make me angry. But nonetheless... I really wish you would say something to me... Happy Birthday Momma. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 219 [topic] => 10 [informant] => Blackheart [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => BirthdayPoems )
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