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Array
(
[sid] => 178800
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Awake I Find Myself
[time] => 2014-07-14 19:12:14
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => Its been nearly 4 years now I finally don't miss you anymore not in a lovers sense anyway I haven't forgotten your face But I don't see it all around me I am finding it easier to move on Maybe it's in the eyes of my son To which I'm drawn away from you Maybe it's time letting me go Or maybe it's just me realizing That I was holding on to an idea A dream that was never real Looking back though The wake I've left since then The hearts I myself have broken that's what's keeping me up now All the could haves I don't know what's worse The heart ache Or my overwhelming regret In letting one moment change me Letting one person dictate me My actions are my own So why did I let loss guide them I see now the steps I must take Letting you go was the easy part 4 years later I understand Letting who I had become go That will be the test I face One night stands Lowering my standard of self To find a meaningless kiss One to hide my pain behind Because then I thought Faking love could be the real thing How cowardly I was Running away from it all Like waking from a bad dream Pretending to be fine When I clearly knew I wasn't I searched for connection In anyone that I could attract knowing it was never real A pretty face lying next to me Wanting more then I could give I tried to be kind Tried to force a feeling Hopelessly I stood alone No understanding in my heart ache Nearly 28 years old now For the first time I am learning Learning who I really am But caught in the aftermath A victim of my own bad decisions But today I build on tomorrow No longer just the right now So with new direction And a place in my own life I see where I must start again To build myself A vision projected from my eyes So here's to me and tomorrow Here to finding a new home On the other side of sorrow [comments] => 1 [counter] => 234 [topic] => 21 [informant] => sorrowsofabrokenheart [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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