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Array ( [sid] => 178076 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => sometimes [time] => 2014-04-01 04:41:12 [hometext] => your past can kill you if you dont try let it go [bodytext] => sometimes

dark, dreaded mist enveloped her
the words of her past restricted
beautiful victim it lures
to her contours vast, addicted

she knew not the meaning
but rather the sense,
the mist grew thicker, creaming
keeping her soul in past tense

as her heart grew heavy
with the potent air she breathed
her mind evolving, fleshly
hatred inward eased

tears turned to whispers,
cries into laughs
broken pasts are crispier
new and sincere paths

and again she breathed
but this time the new air
the pasts grasp ceased
and retreated to its lair

instead of fearing the impact
she faced the cool crisp air of a new start
with her heart intact
and she tore her past apart

signed: sasha platt**

[comments] => 5 [counter] => 123 [topic] => 73 [informant] => sashie08 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => abstract )

sometimes

Contributed by sashie08 on Tuesday, 1st April 2014 @ 04:41:12 AM in AEST
Topic: abstract

sometimes

dark, dreaded mist enveloped her
the words of her past restricted
beautiful victim it lures
to her contours vast, addicted

she knew not the meaning
but rather the sense,
the mist grew thicker, creaming
keeping her soul in past tense

as her heart grew heavy
with the potent air she breathed
her mind evolving, fleshly
hatred inward eased

tears turned to whispers,
cries into laughs
broken pasts are crispier
new and sincere paths

and again she breathed
but this time the new air
the pasts grasp ceased
and retreated to its lair

instead of fearing the impact
she faced the cool crisp air of a new start
with her heart intact
and she tore her past apart

signed: sasha platt**

Copyright © sashie08 ... [ 2014-04-01 04:41:12]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: sometimes (User Rating: 1 )
by Jigget on Tuesday, 1st April 2014 @ 05:32:59 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

right on! i like your stuff already!! i especially liked 'the past's grasp ceased'....
and i adore how your HOPE is AGRESSIVE, tearing apart your past.
thanks for sharing.
-jigget-

Re: sometimes (User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on Tuesday, 1st April 2014 @ 10:26:15 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I see a lot of potential in your writing. I like where this poem was headed, I'm not quite sure it reached the destination point. Keep up the writing, and welcome to YPDC :)

~Scorp

Re: sometimes (User Rating: 1 )
by Invierno on Wednesday, 2nd April 2014 @ 06:19:15 PM AEST
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nice imagery. agree with other commenter. some really cool lines.

think about flow....read the poem aloud several times in the pentameter you wrote in your head. see if it works; if not, look at massaging the words to fit your flow.

Nice job.

Re: sometimes (User Rating: 1 )
by silvereyesinwinter on Saturday, 5th April 2014 @ 06:43:25 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

What a beautiful poem. I loved it. I sure needed this:)

Re: sometimes (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Sunday, 13th April 2014 @ 10:33:24 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

delightful, beautifully written, love your ending too,

hugs n' love nessa

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