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Array ( [sid] => 177786 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Chasing the Rose [time] => 2014-02-16 17:54:56 [hometext] => Please critique or give suggestions! thank you :D [bodytext] => Admiring from afar to see
His enchanted smile, a glow
Many hearts yearn, a burning plea
The sun abandons; rivers flow
His gaze is far away, bleeding
For the crimson bud, one seedling

Though many daisies attempt a chase
He follows the rose, one with thorns
With swallows singing songs of grace
Unsurpassed, cast away with scorn
Gardens follow his lethal dose
Yet his heart only holds the rose

Carefully killed, unheeded weeps
Uprooted before they could bloom
Sequestered, the angel rose sleeps
Rejecting, drawing blood to whom?
But he, who is bloodied by her
Must it be pain he prefers?

Scarlet trails and silver streams drop
Yet his resolve only strengthens
Chasing the rose, he flies non stop
Only to catch her thorn again
The lovebird tries to help him rise
Unbeknownst, it was her demise
[comments] => 7 [counter] => 134 [topic] => 2 [informant] => Bihan [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )

Chasing the Rose

Contributed by Bihan on Sunday, 16th February 2014 @ 05:54:56 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

Admiring from afar to see
His enchanted smile, a glow
Many hearts yearn, a burning plea
The sun abandons; rivers flow
His gaze is far away, bleeding
For the crimson bud, one seedling

Though many daisies attempt a chase
He follows the rose, one with thorns
With swallows singing songs of grace
Unsurpassed, cast away with scorn
Gardens follow his lethal dose
Yet his heart only holds the rose

Carefully killed, unheeded weeps
Uprooted before they could bloom
Sequestered, the angel rose sleeps
Rejecting, drawing blood to whom?
But he, who is bloodied by her
Must it be pain he prefers?

Scarlet trails and silver streams drop
Yet his resolve only strengthens
Chasing the rose, he flies non stop
Only to catch her thorn again
The lovebird tries to help him rise
Unbeknownst, it was her demise

Copyright © Bihan ... [ 2014-02-16 17:54:56]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Chasing the Rose (User Rating: 1 )
by hibissa on Monday, 17th February 2014 @ 12:46:55 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

this looks like it was inspired by a connection with a scene. Interesting.
Word of advice, don't expect criticism. Don't "doctor" your writing, poetry is expression. It isn't an argumentative essay or math puzzle. The only rule is that there are no rules, that's key in good writing. :) Write what you feel and you can't go wrong. You can NEVER expect a person to perceive your poem exactly as you did. It took me a while to notice that, so here I am sharing it. Loved the poem again. :)
cheers
-H

Re: Chasing the Rose (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 17th February 2014 @ 01:12:56 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I agree with hibissa. It's your poetry, write the way you want to write. It's yours and no one else's, correct?

On that note....very very poetic!!! Nicely done.

On an off topic note, I really wish new members would interact more with the other authors and read / comment on their poems as well. Don't ask for comments if you're not wiling to do the same.

photo 1036153111_gif.gif

photo 1036153111_gif.gif

to YPDC.

Tim

Re: Chasing the Rose (User Rating: 1 )
by CherryReadPoet on Monday, 17th February 2014 @ 02:10:29 AM AEST
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I love how there's so obviously a story behind this and you have a beautiful way of telling it. I also really like your technical rhyme structure... I feel like it enhances your piece... keep writing!

Re: Chasing the Rose (User Rating: 1 )
by Bihan on Monday, 17th February 2014 @ 12:06:37 PM AEST
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Thank you everyone ! :)

Re: Chasing the Rose (User Rating: 1 )
by NoSaint on Monday, 17th February 2014 @ 05:22:25 PM AEST
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enjoyable write, good flow

Re: Chasing the Rose (User Rating: 1 )
by CharM on Tuesday, 18th February 2014 @ 08:05:24 PM AEST
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Great flow to it... well done!

Re: Chasing the Rose (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Sunday, 18th May 2014 @ 03:39:59 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

a joy to read, vivid imagery, excellent style and
flow, a truly beautiful poem, i look forward to your
next one,

hugs n' love nessa

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