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Array ( [sid] => 177401 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => End of day [time] => 2013-12-21 16:58:51 [hometext] => Watching over you [bodytext] =>
There’s a cigarette burn in the kitchen table;
The night’s asleep, but I’m unable!
Wine climbs the coffee rings in my cup;
The days are never long enough.

There’s a sunburned body on the livingroom spread;
Emotionally spent with an aching head.
The sink’s full of dishes;
His jeans on the chair;
And yesterday’s garbage is faint on the air.

Phone don’t ring; lady walk light.
My gentle warrior needs sleep tonight.
No guitar, no radio;
No TV, nowhere to go.
The wine is gone,
The daytime ends;
What in his dreams does my love pretend?

Are you child or eagle? Safe or chased?
How many days can the night’s erase?
I protect the child; admire the man;
Love them both as best I can.

But you spin dreams while I’m awake;
that’s magic no one else can make!
In your words and arms I find;
The dreams a young girl left behind.

Daylight, reason, go away;
Leave my love his dreams to play.
[comments] => 5 [counter] => 207 [topic] => 24 [informant] => softerware [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LoveRemembered )

End of day

Contributed by softerware on Saturday, 21st December 2013 @ 04:58:51 PM in AEST
Topic: LoveRemembered

There’s a cigarette burn in the kitchen table;
The night’s asleep, but I’m unable!
Wine climbs the coffee rings in my cup;
The days are never long enough.

There’s a sunburned body on the livingroom spread;
Emotionally spent with an aching head.
The sink’s full of dishes;
His jeans on the chair;
And yesterday’s garbage is faint on the air.

Phone don’t ring; lady walk light.
My gentle warrior needs sleep tonight.
No guitar, no radio;
No TV, nowhere to go.
The wine is gone,
The daytime ends;
What in his dreams does my love pretend?

Are you child or eagle? Safe or chased?
How many days can the night’s erase?
I protect the child; admire the man;
Love them both as best I can.

But you spin dreams while I’m awake;
that’s magic no one else can make!
In your words and arms I find;
The dreams a young girl left behind.

Daylight, reason, go away;
Leave my love his dreams to play.

Copyright Â© softerware ... [ 2013-12-21 16:58:51]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: End of day (User Rating: 1 )
by christybthepoet on Saturday, 21st December 2013 @ 07:23:41 PM AEST
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Intrigue...I really enjoyed it. thanks for sharing

Re: End of day (User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on Saturday, 21st December 2013 @ 09:48:31 PM AEST
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Beautiful.
Blessings,
emy

Re: End of day (User Rating: 1 )
by iodinelove on Sunday, 22nd December 2013 @ 08:51:24 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I liked it.

I think that you let the straight rhymes deny you.
It's not that I think that you were using them wrong, but that they held you back.

In many instances they worked really well, but there were a few lines where you stretched your words over the rhyme.

Always work with the words towards the rhyme, not the rhyme towards the words. It will sound more natural.

Re: End of day (User Rating: 1 )
by Ramfire on Monday, 23rd December 2013 @ 10:23:32 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Yes, I can see it all as you write your poem so well. A slice out of your life and I thank you for sharing it.

Re: End of day (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Thursday, 15th May 2014 @ 11:09:16 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

a little glimpse into a poets life, an excellent write
with vivid images, this is really beautiful,

hugs n' love nessa

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