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Array
(
[sid] => 177389
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Shake Me
[time] => 2013-12-21 05:00:31
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I can't take it-- I can't shake it... Please just make it go away. It's still hurting; I'm still burning-- Flaring up from all the pain. She's a harlot; I'm a victim, And there is nothing I can do To make you see, To help me breathe, And to clear this slate of you. I'm still burning; I'm still learning; I'm still yearning for your touch-- To soothe the ache, To stop the pain, And to make it all too much. Standing; spinning In a frenzy In a turnstile of contempt... I hate you And I hate me-- This is where my time is spent. Still disgusted; Still repulsed By your face--and mine alike. Is this really How you're feeling? I knew this path was never kind. Still I'm dancing In a circle, In a haze of weary woes. Can't stop moving, Can't stop stalling... My heart has nowhere else to go. Can you feel it? I can taste it-- I can hear it scream my name In a fury And a tumble Of the emotions that it makes. Can't stop thinking; Can't stop dreaming; Can't stop the nightmares that you bring. You were perfect; I was worthless... I should have never let you in. Now I'm broken; Now you're laughing... Now you'll never have a clue That I was blinded And you were stunning... God, I fell so hard for you. Am I breaking Or just broken? Am I making any sense? I will dig And I will drill Until it's outside of my head. Never happy-- Only smiling-- Only showing my defense, I'm degraded And belittled... Please just help it make some sense. Was she lovely? Was she thrilling? Was she all I couldn't be? Did she tell you That she loved you-- Did she make you think of me? Was I ever Truly something Or simply nothing in your eyes? Why'd you do this? Why'd I take it? Why are you speaking ***** lies?! Can you stop it? I can't stop it... I can feel it take control... Digging deeper Into nothing... Clearing out my wretched hole. I'm astounded; Can't believe it-- You seemed so true and pure... Then I see Into your eyes... Are you seeing me or her? I'm disgusting And repulsive-- I can't even face myself... You're a demon; Pig; a monster... Give me one last shred of help. You've destroyed me-- I've been here before... He'll lend to you a hand... And while you're Digging out your trench, I think he'll make you understand: God forgive me, But God damn you-- You're a scoundrel in disguise. You can smile, Say "I love you", But there's truth inside your eyes. I am nothing; You are nothing. Nothing matters in this game... I have cried here; We will die here... No matter what, it ends the same. So why take caution? Why heed warnings? Why not simply live for you? Never knowing Or even wanting Any love that could be true... I am ravaged, Raped, distorted... I can't let you take this lead. I'll destroy you; I'll amend this... I'll drain the life from me. You'll remember, Yet forget... Some things you have left for dead. I will lay here In my misery Until this starts to make some sense. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 64 [topic] => 61 [informant] => satanssecret1369 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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