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Array
(
[sid] => 176779
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Own Worst Enemy
[time] => 2013-08-27 18:28:29
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => Fearful of what's to come, yet what’s to come isn't as certain as the air we breathe Thinking again, this is my enemy and I wish for a way to shut it off... Time and time again I'm confronted with what’s on my mind and I don't want to even listen to my thoughts... Tired of all the negativity that daily ruins my soul, if the soul is ruined then all connected to it, as well is doomed... Fighting for a chance at what I know can be my happiness yet in the yesterdays without me I am consumed... Why I ask, Why is there no trust for no one not even myself Why is it I am my biggest critic, my deepest enemy... I'm flesh and blood, I cry, I have a beating heart, what makes me so different than the rest of humanity... I'm not the victim; my victims are the ones I bring into my life... They are the ones who fall prey to the misery and strife... Thinking is the storm that brews that catastrophically takes down all that is built… It’s a constant war I fight within yet nothings left in the battle but guilt... Guilty I am, as I murder the chances I am given with the weapon of my mind with excuses and regrets and pieces of what was left behind.... Nothing more than pieces of what I had in past that I try to put back together... Not trying to salvage what was there but only to make me better.... How can one move forward if one can’t learn from the past, when the past holds all the keys to unlocking who I will become... In the meantime I'm searching and allowing myself from the past to come undone.... The past that haunts me and the worst part it’s not just my own, I'm tormented by the past of others where my life and theirs never connected... Yet I allow what was from the journey of another become my infection... I'm infected and tainted by a world of pasts that I had no control of at any point or time... Yet, I can sit here and paint it all out in Living color with words and with Rhyme... [comments] => 1 [counter] => 182 [topic] => 75 [informant] => vr2776 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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