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Array
(
[sid] => 176312
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => The world doesn't work that way.
[time] => 2013-06-16 08:22:47
[hometext] => My significant other and I are having some issues with life in general.
[bodytext] => The dreams in my head as I lay down in bed fill me with dread for the future. The terrifying monster at the end of this book. When the pages are infinite and there's nowhere else to look. The shadow of this tome looms over me. An omen of doom or a bed in a room saved for the kind of crazy that rubs people just the wrong way. And I'm unraveling at the seams and it seems to me my seamstress did a poor job sewing up my heart, but where can I start to begin again? Where can I find a friend who's ship can carry me and us to a place where nobody tells us we can't. But in this world you can't rely on anybody but yourself, and myself is unreliable and liable to lie to me. I'm not a friend that would die for me. I'm not the person that I'd like to be. And for that I'm sorry. These scars I bear aren't fooling anyone because these emotional wounds are self inflicted. Though try as I might to pass off the blame, it's always the same game repeating over and over again. The same self righteous guilt piling up on me again. "You're so humble" I mock me. "You can't be that bad" I taunt me. And I do nothing but disappoint me. So I wish everyday I was better as if some magical lamp can grant my desires to be much more than a failure like I'd wake up one day and find myself happy that the sappy love songs ring true and we'd have a room with a view. I can't promise you happiness or buy security from a store. I can't ensure that I wont just bore or annoy you. And it's not about getting better or struggling against some fetters, but doing yourself justice by getting what you deserve: not just a shell of a man who relies only on words, who wishes to be beautiful. You deserve someone who will treat you right who can make ends meet who has the insight to know when somethings wrong and to fix it. Yet you still tell me I'm what you want and you love me for how I am. And I love you for that but feel pain in my soul that someone such as you can see me as a goal. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 271 [topic] => 50 [informant] => GloomyBlu [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => ApologyPoetry )
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