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Array ( [sid] => 175153 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Song of Me [time] => 2013-02-17 13:18:50 [hometext] => [bodytext] => I’m a hitchhiker on the highway of happiness
I’m a wanderer in the tall green grass
I’m a stray on someone else’s land
I’m an outsider looking through the glass

I’ve wanted to ride the ride
I’ve wanted to join the crew
I’ve wanted to see it all
I’ve wanted to experience the view

I’m an Oliver Twist with my bowl
I’m standing alone on the corner
I’m starry eyed with my love
I’m hoping it would get warmer

I’ve wanted to listen to your heart
I’ve wanted to squeeze your hands
I’ve wanted to earn your smile
I’ve wanted to dance the slow dance

I’m a dreamer with a dream too real
I’m a thinker with no rhyme or reason
I’m a writer with no ink or paper
I’m a rebel trying to outlive my treason

I’ve wanted to swim across the mirage
I’ve wanted to lie in the wake of your scent
I’ve wanted to drink the love in your voice
I’ve wanted to wake up completely spent

I’m a prisoner of my sentiments
I’m hoping to be set free
I’m a broken teapot on your nightstand
I’m longing for my cup of tea
[comments] => 1 [counter] => 85 [topic] => 21 [informant] => Nachi1981 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )

The Song of Me

Contributed by Nachi1981 on Sunday, 17th February 2013 @ 01:18:50 PM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems

I’m a hitchhiker on the highway of happiness
I’m a wanderer in the tall green grass
I’m a stray on someone else’s land
I’m an outsider looking through the glass

I’ve wanted to ride the ride
I’ve wanted to join the crew
I’ve wanted to see it all
I’ve wanted to experience the view

I’m an Oliver Twist with my bowl
I’m standing alone on the corner
I’m starry eyed with my love
I’m hoping it would get warmer

I’ve wanted to listen to your heart
I’ve wanted to squeeze your hands
I’ve wanted to earn your smile
I’ve wanted to dance the slow dance

I’m a dreamer with a dream too real
I’m a thinker with no rhyme or reason
I’m a writer with no ink or paper
I’m a rebel trying to outlive my treason

I’ve wanted to swim across the mirage
I’ve wanted to lie in the wake of your scent
I’ve wanted to drink the love in your voice
I’ve wanted to wake up completely spent

I’m a prisoner of my sentiments
I’m hoping to be set free
I’m a broken teapot on your nightstand
I’m longing for my cup of tea

Copyright Â© Nachi1981 ... [ 2013-02-17 13:18:50]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Song of Me (User Rating: 1 )
by Waynster on Sunday, 17th February 2013 @ 08:51:51 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hello, your poem is awesome! However, stanzas three and four threw me off with corner & warmer and hands & dance. A little corrective criticism, if you don't mind.

I'm an Oliver Twist with my bowl
I'm standing alone on the corner of a street
I'm starry eyed looking for my love
I'm hoping we soon shall meet

I've wanted to listen to your heart
I've wanted to know how your touch does feel
I've wanted to earn your smile
I've wanted your heart to steal

Like I said, Your poetry is good, but I would have done those two stanzas different, like i wrote here. If you choose to edit it, by all means, you can have those words I wrote. it would be my pleasure. I just hope you don't get upset because i found some things and brought it to your attention. Keep up the good writing!

Wayne

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