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Array
(
[sid] => 173740
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Changing
[time] => 2012-09-03 20:13:38
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => You tell me not to die But what is there to hold on too… For everything I thought was real was never really true… A lie..? I can't say it’s been a lie but I know I’m not sure who I really am… All the years looking for the truth in someone else’s hands… Living life through the eyes of others and never through my own… Doing as everyone wanted All my life this is what I was shown… Need to break the chains and step out of the skin that I hibernated in for far too long… The skin that tried to protect me and keep me from doing wrong… But more harm than good this did as It’s been a façade I lived in, a preprinted canvas that portrayed only the beauty that was seen by the owner of the art… The cocoon that shielded me has only served To make me bitter and resentful This life I have lived was not meant to be But now, I’m out of the shell and walking in the dark… Breaking out of the cocoon going through metamorphosis I'm still changing into what? I haven't yet figured out what that’s supposed be… In this process of searching and changing I reach out for that hand that understands But I feel I’m just getting pulled back in to that shell… this would be a catastrophe… In this process I must go through or this journey I must embark on, I will be called selfish and many will be angry as their backs will turn and their faces be hidden… But this is nothing new, every road before this I have done nothing right in the eyes of those who say they care, But to say how I feel, this has always been forbidden… I have been cautioned to care for the feelings and reputations of those around me … as I just fade into the background a shadow an image of those who stand in front of me… But in my search I will be as selfish as I can get… For through all these years I have listened only to the voice, that was not the voice in my head… I have lived in fear, with regret and animosity toward those who tried to do me well… But its only been because in my life I was sheltered And was raised in that shell… A rebellious person I will become to some to me I have just decided to live my life… This change that comes now at this time will unfortunately come with a hefty price… For years I have looked from the inside out as if I was a prisoner desiring the freedom to live as I choose… I sat and dreamed of breaking out into that world of adulthood, that to me has been refused… I have heard many times the phrase how can you Love someone when you don’t love yourself Well I am on my way to falling in Love with me and this time, Thank you, but I will do it my way and with no one’s help…. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 152 [topic] => 48 [informant] => vr2776 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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