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Array ( [sid] => 173321 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Will I Die Alone? [time] => 2012-07-10 16:42:35 [hometext] => Please do not bash me if it is not that good. This is my first one...EVER. [bodytext] => My life is crumbling to the floor
I cannot take it anymore
Still no job; no friends. Is this the end? It's still way too soon
I'm getting nowhere, yet I'm trying my best
I must be lacking something from all the rest
I make little headway each day
Only to have it thrown away
I see my peers enjoying their lives
Why can't it be the same for mine
My life is askew. It looks like I'm already through
Will I die having not lived a life
I can only take so much, but can take no more
I'm only 24 and already, my life is crumbling to the floor [comments] => 3 [counter] => 176 [topic] => 39 [informant] => ImAPoetAndDidntKnowIt [notes] => To maintain the correct comment to poem ratio, please do not comment on your own work. Commenting on your own work does not ensure your reply will be seen. Your comments on this posting has been removed. You can send a private message if you wish to thank someone or respond to them. Here's an idea: Try reading and commenting on someone's poetry, someone's other than your own. Thank you. Moderator_18 [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Grief )

Will I Die Alone?

Contributed by ImAPoetAndDidntKnowIt on Tuesday, 10th July 2012 @ 04:42:35 PM in AEST
Topic: Grief

My life is crumbling to the floor
I cannot take it anymore
Still no job; no friends. Is this the end? It's still way too soon
I'm getting nowhere, yet I'm trying my best
I must be lacking something from all the rest
I make little headway each day
Only to have it thrown away
I see my peers enjoying their lives
Why can't it be the same for mine
My life is askew. It looks like I'm already through
Will I die having not lived a life
I can only take so much, but can take no more
I'm only 24 and already, my life is crumbling to the floor

Copyright © ImAPoetAndDidntKnowIt ... [ 2012-07-10 16:42:35]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Will I Die Alone? (User Rating: 1 )
by richard2 on Tuesday, 10th July 2012 @ 06:08:46 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

You have a sense of words and the desire to
express them, I was once in the same place
and if you find yourself writing because you must
then you have found the way to the answer of your question.
In your place I would forget about rhyme as such
for now and concentrate on the refining of lines, and let
any rhyming occur without design. You should also read as much great poetry as you can, in fact read
as much you can of every kind of writing.
Also, it helps to speak your lines out loud sometimes, you soon see where any misplaced or awkward rhythms are.

Anyhow, write more and write well

take care

Richard

Re: Will I Die Alone? (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Tuesday, 10th July 2012 @ 06:57:17 PM AEST
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Really nice! And really relatable as well. Hopefully all goes well for you soon.
Keep writing! :)

Re: Will I Die Alone? (User Rating: 1 )
by Fluttermouse on Friday, 13th July 2012 @ 06:51:12 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Im a few years older and in exactly the same situation! You express it so well!

Lets hope our futures are going to turn around for the better!

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