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Growing Myself
Contributed by
Raggie
on
Wednesday, 20th June 2012 @ 02:53:14 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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It is not easy just wishing it so.
Yet quite simple believing it to be.
This mighty oak I am trying to grow,
must be nurtured by the essence of me.
Planted deep in faith's definitive clay.
Resolute against the mightiest storm.
Those winds of shame that blew childhood away,
can't change my desire never to conform.
But when fear creeps through ancesteral roots,
and branches vibrate in tortuous breeze,
often I am stripped of ripening fruits.
Given back to doubt's cancerous disease.
Apples and atoms blend into the earth.
Where unfulfilled dreams mulch into rebirth.
Copyright ©
Raggie
... [
2012-06-20 02:53:14] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Growing Myself
(User Rating: 1 ) by ivanducttape on
Wednesday, 20th June 2012 @ 11:23:57 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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this stirred me to goosebumps. i relate to ur journey and i am hopeful seeing others on this path.
u have encapsulated this in the sonnet form very well, at no point do the rhymes feel forced. i really enjoyed the extended tree metaphor, from "oak", to "planted", to "roots", to "branches", to "fruits", to "mulch". really excellent.
if i may offer criticism (i appreciate it so i hope u do too), i would say that "vibrate" may not be the best choice of word, i felt that it didn't fit the picture of the breeze so well. in most places you didn't compromise the rhythm, the line "Given back to doubt's cancerous disease" could perhaps be reworked slightly.
the final rhyming couplet especially moved me, and really ended the poem on a beautiful, inspiring and thought-provoking note. thanks for sharing it moved me greatly! :) |
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Re: Growing Myself
(User Rating: 1 ) by nikki080794 on
Wednesday, 20th June 2012 @ 11:31:00 AM AEST (User
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Very moving and thought-inspiring. I usually find it hard to see a rhyming poem as natural as you made it. Brilliant.
Keep writing :) |
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Re: Growing Myself
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 20th June 2012 @ 01:15:10 PM AEST (User
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I really like this one. Perhaps it's like the Indians say (and yes, it's okay to say Indians...they take no offense in Oklahoma) we are all one with the earth.
I like to think that we are all somehow connected or as you say "that we vibrate and resonate with like minded frequencies according to our belief systems" and that acts as God. I sometimes think that God is definitely not some white haired man with a long beard. Image isn't necessary a look anyway. But that God is good and good is God.
Anyways, I really kike this poem.
These lines especially so:
often I am stripped of ripening fruits.
Given back to doubt's cancerous disease.
Apples and atoms blend into the earth.
Where unfulfilled dreams mulch into rebirth.
Too cool.
Thank you,
Tim |
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