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Array ( [sid] => 172820 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => You light up the darkness. [time] => 2012-06-04 21:15:34 [hometext] => Please tell me if there is something i need to work on! Rate it 1-10??? [bodytext] => You are not my sun.
You are my moon.
My world is dark.
And i am drawn to you.

I stand in the dark
Looking into the night sky.
Tears want to fall from my eyes.
But I can not cry.

A supernova existed
A time before you.
Its beams were so bright
Shining in the navy blue.

But that supernova was a star
With only some time to exist,
Before it had burst
Into nothingness.

But you my dear,
Are not a star.
You are the moon
Which can not char

No light years to count.
No waiting for it to cease.
Because the moon is not a star
And will forever light up the streets.

So with you i will walk
To a place where I do not feel alone.
That place is your heart,
Guide me home. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 218 [topic] => 2 [informant] => Daynalouu [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )

You light up the darkness.

Contributed by Daynalouu on Monday, 4th June 2012 @ 09:15:34 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

You are not my sun.
You are my moon.
My world is dark.
And i am drawn to you.

I stand in the dark
Looking into the night sky.
Tears want to fall from my eyes.
But I can not cry.

A supernova existed
A time before you.
Its beams were so bright
Shining in the navy blue.

But that supernova was a star
With only some time to exist,
Before it had burst
Into nothingness.

But you my dear,
Are not a star.
You are the moon
Which can not char

No light years to count.
No waiting for it to cease.
Because the moon is not a star
And will forever light up the streets.

So with you i will walk
To a place where I do not feel alone.
That place is your heart,
Guide me home.

Copyright © Daynalouu ... [ 2012-06-04 21:15:34]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: You light up the darkness. (User Rating: 1 )
by babybear on Tuesday, 5th June 2012 @ 12:33:35 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is a good poem..

Re: You light up the darkness. (User Rating: 1 )
by cathartic on Tuesday, 5th June 2012 @ 12:45:54 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Although, it's not my favourite type of poetry, I do like that there is some sort of narrative. I also enjoyed the continuing metaphor. I just wished that there was a deeper connection to the object in the poem. This would have made your poem deeper and much more complex.

Re: You light up the darkness. (User Rating: 1 )
by monday_girl on Tuesday, 5th June 2012 @ 03:09:00 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I would love to know your age, because many skills comes with years. Anyway, what i can see now is that you are still in between of banalities and a better poetry. Be careful and don't fall back. You need to find a very "you" way to say what you want to say in a poem, but there has to be obvious, that your selected words are absolutely the right ones, plus you have to find a way to compose text without being too obvious about things you are talking about. You need to learn many things. I suggest you read good poetry and you have , must read criticism on that as well, that will help you a lot i promise.
Good luck :)

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