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Array ( [sid] => 172624 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Not meant to Love [time] => 2012-05-22 17:17:55 [hometext] => [bodytext] => how do you know what happiness is
how do you know how to laugh
when you're only comfortable in suffering

when you only know the torture
when the torture is a devastating comfort
when dying is the only way to feel alive
when your own blood and terror keeps you tied to the earth
when you don't want to die, you just don't want to be alive

when there has never been comfort in the human touch
when people smiling is your own death certificate
when you sleep all day to be awake less time
leave my mind as fast as possible

im gone, theres nowhere i can go without the chatter
more aware, care less
put up with anything for a moment of nothing
die inside, die every hour of every day
pause the hatred for a night
make it inner violence

keep stirring up the negative feelings, they're the only ones left
keep stirring, prolonging bloodshed for another hour
pass out, have the dreams of self-destruction

support is no support
i love you means you're my blood and nothing else
what i want what i need are equal in terror
what i want silent in terror
closed eyes getting stabbed, can't feel it, so i can sleep for the night

i hate feeling nothing
i hate feeling everything
i can never find the middle ground

nothing laughing in hell
everything terrorizing the material world
in nothing nobody else gets hurt
in nothing nobody else can hear
saves the time of ruining anything else

everything makes it unable to love
i don't know what it is, so how could i share whatever heart i have left
if i can't even find it
i can't even listen to anyone, they all speak another language
i have always been bad at that
i have always been bad at that

pretend i know nothing so i can share nothing
don't know what to share
don't know what i'm worth, if i even am worth opening my mouth

i've always been the alien, somehow out of the loop with the universe
pretending to give a ***** about anything
when in reality i could care less about anybody
that's my problem

if i could care less about people what do i have to look forward to
people that love me don't even know me
i am expected to say and react certain ways to everything
you are satisfied, now i can go lock myself away and peacefully rot away
say hello, now i can go stab myself

happiness, i continually wonder what the true definition means
just to be baseline is a challenge in itself
i have dreams
i have the dreams
of suffering
of a slow death
of leaving this world of human skin, faces, blood, words
i don't want anymore words
i don't need anymore words

it is a daily struggle between myself and myself
the world doesn't play a part in it anymore
i am wrong, i have always been wrong
just destroy me right now
im not meant to love
just kill me
just kill me slowly
just kill me slowly without an audience as i've always had
i'm scared that people will watch me die

[comments] => 0 [counter] => 197 [topic] => 72 [informant] => zannihilator [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => self-harmpoetry )
Not meant to Love

Contributed by zannihilator on Tuesday, 22nd May 2012 @ 05:17:55 PM in AEST
Topic: self-harmpoetry



how do you know what happiness is
how do you know how to laugh
when you're only comfortable in suffering

when you only know the torture
when the torture is a devastating comfort
when dying is the only way to feel alive
when your own blood and terror keeps you tied to the earth
when you don't want to die, you just don't want to be alive

when there has never been comfort in the human touch
when people smiling is your own death certificate
when you sleep all day to be awake less time
leave my mind as fast as possible

im gone, theres nowhere i can go without the chatter
more aware, care less
put up with anything for a moment of nothing
die inside, die every hour of every day
pause the hatred for a night
make it inner violence

keep stirring up the negative feelings, they're the only ones left
keep stirring, prolonging bloodshed for another hour
pass out, have the dreams of self-destruction

support is no support
i love you means you're my blood and nothing else
what i want what i need are equal in terror
what i want silent in terror
closed eyes getting stabbed, can't feel it, so i can sleep for the night

i hate feeling nothing
i hate feeling everything
i can never find the middle ground

nothing laughing in hell
everything terrorizing the material world
in nothing nobody else gets hurt
in nothing nobody else can hear
saves the time of ruining anything else

everything makes it unable to love
i don't know what it is, so how could i share whatever heart i have left
if i can't even find it
i can't even listen to anyone, they all speak another language
i have always been bad at that
i have always been bad at that

pretend i know nothing so i can share nothing
don't know what to share
don't know what i'm worth, if i even am worth opening my mouth

i've always been the alien, somehow out of the loop with the universe
pretending to give a ***** about anything
when in reality i could care less about anybody
that's my problem

if i could care less about people what do i have to look forward to
people that love me don't even know me
i am expected to say and react certain ways to everything
you are satisfied, now i can go lock myself away and peacefully rot away
say hello, now i can go stab myself

happiness, i continually wonder what the true definition means
just to be baseline is a challenge in itself
i have dreams
i have the dreams
of suffering
of a slow death
of leaving this world of human skin, faces, blood, words
i don't want anymore words
i don't need anymore words

it is a daily struggle between myself and myself
the world doesn't play a part in it anymore
i am wrong, i have always been wrong
just destroy me right now
im not meant to love
just kill me
just kill me slowly
just kill me slowly without an audience as i've always had
i'm scared that people will watch me die





Copyright © zannihilator ... [ 2012-05-22 17:17:55]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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