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Array ( [sid] => 171998 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Sunshine and Cigarettes [time] => 2012-04-18 12:32:58 [hometext] => I wrote this back when things were hard. I never realized how easy it was to be sucked into my emotions until I went through it all. Please enjoy. [bodytext] => As I take that first drag of a freshly lit cigarette,
The inhale lights my spirit and the buzz begins.
I sit back by the waterfall remembering you,
You would be mad if you were here.
You hated my filthy habit.
The water rushes by, looking inviting.
I chuck the rest of my cigarette,
As I slip into the water,
The memories flood into my mind.
The feelings of guilt, sorrow, and hatred
Swarm in a taunting way all over.
The pain is to hard to take.
The coldness numbs my body,
And I know it's finally time.
The climb up isn't the worst.
Looking down at the water below,
I smile up at the sun, waiting,
Waiting to join you, no matter what.
I leap.
Falling to the emptiness below.
The plunge, the rush, the relief.
As my body sinks below.
The last bit of sunlight,
Shines down on my smiling face.

[comments] => 3 [counter] => 159 [topic] => 36 [informant] => ShaeBay [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )

Sunshine and Cigarettes

Contributed by ShaeBay on Wednesday, 18th April 2012 @ 12:32:58 PM in AEST
Topic: Suicide

As I take that first drag of a freshly lit cigarette,
The inhale lights my spirit and the buzz begins.
I sit back by the waterfall remembering you,
You would be mad if you were here.
You hated my filthy habit.
The water rushes by, looking inviting.
I chuck the rest of my cigarette,
As I slip into the water,
The memories flood into my mind.
The feelings of guilt, sorrow, and hatred
Swarm in a taunting way all over.
The pain is to hard to take.
The coldness numbs my body,
And I know it's finally time.
The climb up isn't the worst.
Looking down at the water below,
I smile up at the sun, waiting,
Waiting to join you, no matter what.
I leap.
Falling to the emptiness below.
The plunge, the rush, the relief.
As my body sinks below.
The last bit of sunlight,
Shines down on my smiling face.

Copyright © ShaeBay ... [ 2012-04-18 12:32:58]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Sunshine and Cigarettes (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 18th April 2012 @ 12:45:54 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

That was a good read. I really enjoyed it. Very good imagery. Now see? Even though I fully understand how emotions can pull us under, had that really happened I probably wouldn't be sitting here enjoying it now.

Take care,

Tim

Re: Sunshine and Cigarettes (User Rating: 1 )
by HaroldWilson on Thursday, 19th April 2012 @ 11:17:25 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

A good poem. I only have two critiques:

1. The twelfth line should read 'The pain is too hard to take', because the first 'to' needs to have 2 o's.

2. The rhythm may be smoother if you drop 'down' from the last line. You don't strictly need it because we know that sunlight comes down.

But for a suicide/dark poem, it was refreshingly restrained and short of cliches.

-Harold.

Re: Sunshine and Cigarettes (User Rating: 1 )
by thehotshotpoet on Saturday, 21st April 2012 @ 07:12:49 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

beautifully worded thanks for sharing
the hot shot poet

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