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Array
(
[sid] => 169666
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I Wish I Was Gone
[time] => 2011-12-26 14:39:10
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => The years go by, memories rush through my mind So many thoughts, feelings, pictures, sounds They flash by so fast, seconds continue to rewind I try to catch a fleeting bit, some happiness to be found I shift through the piles of my life heaped on the floor Gonna separate this mess into good time and bad The images leave my head, the piles flow out the door The mound of bad memories so huge, making me sad When I was born, I'm sure God meant a life well spent All newborns are innocent, pure, love their only goal I grew up, human nature took over, on life went Days one after another, time finally took it's toll As I stand here today, I'm feeling like a failure I wish that I was no longer here, I wish I was dead I tried to do everything right, give us all a bright future I can't get these horrible words out of my head I was there for everyone, tried not to let anyone down I played by the rules, got them what was needed To hear my kids tell it, I was never around The lies they like to tell, the hate they have heeded To know children carried within you with such hope Threw you to the wind, filled others' ears with hate Would rather forsake their own child's scope Not give any thought or concern to the kid's fate I wish I was dead, gone, it might make the pain stop I never let my family down, of them I was so proud If I could find a hole deep enough, into it I would drop Then they could shout their false stories and lies so loud I have a husband who loves me, a grandson who is my life Four other grandchildren whom I adore and love so deeply I know this should be enough to dull the edge of this knife Should be enough to close this hole in my heart completely God, please hear my cries, dry my tears, temper my pain My son, daughter's choice is apparent, their bed's are made They have shown that with them I have nothing more to gain I wish I was dead, but I know God had dulled that blade Please God, show me the way to put their deeds away Help me remember the good in my life, love's way clear Help me find the strength enough to in this world stay When your Love surrounds me, I 'll know what to hold dear I see my grandson's smiling face filled with love I'll never lose I see my husband's strong arms as chases away the tears I see my grandchildren running to me with love and hugs huge I see it, God, I see it. I am loved, fade away now my fears. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 215 [topic] => 75 [informant] => dvtpdw [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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