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Array
(
[sid] => 164658
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Why did I think it would be different?
[time] => 2011-02-08 16:16:45
[hometext] => I wrote this to my mum, She's never seen it as she'd kill me but I was angry after yet another fight.
[bodytext] => I don’t know why I thought now would be different Still things I can't say when you claim freedom of speech Still things I can't do Don’t say this don't say that You do this on purpose Why do u Deliberately say things to embarrass or upset me? But when I do the same you kick off You can still make me cry when I remember the past, making me look vulnerable Your selective memory makes me look like a liar Of course you don't want to remember what you did Of course they don't want to either It makes me so angry that you sit there and say the things you do, You say I rebel yet I didn’t and I don't. Your blue-eyed girl you molded to be just like you, I'm nothing like her The daughter you never wanted A messed up coil I was, you wanted more in your life You cope better with 2 more then 3 was easier with me gone How can you say in one breath that you love me? In another you could just stop contact and it wouldn’t bother you So sick and tired of your two sides, once you've had a glass of wine you’re the nicest Why can't you be drunk all the time? Your words cut me like knives why hate me for being what I was just a child When will you drop the grudge and stop blaming me for how you feel. It was your doing not mine; I am who you made me to be Don't like it tough it’s your fault I am this way. Counseling doesn't do ***** for me as your back changing things upsetting me piling me again with your gifts of.... love? So tired of having to keep my mouth shut when you won't shut yours Why is it you can make me feel so low yet I can't to you? We are too alike so why did I hope, pray; think it would be any different. When will you just love me? And treat me like you treat them? Why did I have to get the ***** end, and why do you say cruel things like "Your self pitying" your no better now then you were. You claim you know me but evidently you don't or maybe you do know that every time you bring up the past I die inside maybe that's why you do it? I can't get involved in their lives only mundane topics allowed Why bother if I can't get to know them They tell me they enjoy talking to me yet to you they have a go Why do I bother and why did I think it would be different You maybe cruel and calculating and manipulative but I am not so why treat me this way Does anyone know the real me? Why did I think it would be any different? :'( Why did I think you cared? Why did I hope and pray for the love you bare Why do I continue to beg for your approval? Why did I think it would be any different? [comments] => 1 [counter] => 229 [topic] => 6 [informant] => dizzygem21 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )
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