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Array ( [sid] => 164625 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => I hope for the day I wont cry anymore [time] => 2011-02-06 16:05:19 [hometext] => This is the first poem I've submitted on here. I wasnt sure where to put it so I put it here. Constructive critisim please...thanks. Also, I know its not that good since I'm only 13 so try to take it easy I'm not experenced with writing free verse poems [bodytext] => There is a lot I learned not to show or ask
Because every time I did
It never turned out right
The biggest thing I learned not to do is to cry
Because I tend to cry to often
So now I try to turn that sadness into anger
Only when it gets to be too much do I cry
I hate myself for it
My sadness turns to anger and that anger is bottled up
If it’s not released
I tend to hurt myself and others around me
If I cry
I’ll end up crying myself to sleep
And crying yourself to sleep is one of the worst ways to go to sleep
So now
I hope for the day I just don’t cry anymore
[comments] => 2 [counter] => 146 [topic] => 32 [informant] => AkidaUmichi [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )

I hope for the day I wont cry anymore

Contributed by AkidaUmichi on Sunday, 6th February 2011 @ 04:05:19 PM in AEST
Topic: SadPoetry

There is a lot I learned not to show or ask
Because every time I did
It never turned out right
The biggest thing I learned not to do is to cry
Because I tend to cry to often
So now I try to turn that sadness into anger
Only when it gets to be too much do I cry
I hate myself for it
My sadness turns to anger and that anger is bottled up
If it’s not released
I tend to hurt myself and others around me
If I cry
I’ll end up crying myself to sleep
And crying yourself to sleep is one of the worst ways to go to sleep
So now
I hope for the day I just don’t cry anymore

Copyright Â© AkidaUmichi ... [ 2011-02-06 16:05:19]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: I hope for the day I wont cry anymore (User Rating: 1 )
by Aspirant on Sunday, 6th February 2011 @ 09:20:54 PM AEST
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Good work. My advice would be to try and get outside the mindset of forming sentences. You might get more of a feel for writing this kind of thing if you try to bring out your ideas in a more flexible format. Fewer unnecessary, undescriptive, grammatical words like "to," "it," "and", etc. More vocab. You'll end up with unique words presented in creative ways, and hopefully your own ideas will come through the poem effectively as a result.

Re: I hope for the day I wont cry anymore (User Rating: 1 )
by RyanS on Tuesday, 8th February 2011 @ 06:12:51 PM AEST
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This is a good start, lots of emotion and the comment above me has given GREAT advice!

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