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(
[sid] => 164196
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => History of Ramses11 piles in Egypt
[time] => 2011-01-10 12:21:05
[hometext] => My Prose is poetry in motion
[bodytext] => Piles, King Ramses 11, et al. My friend Wu~ Ming~ told me this story. He swears it's true and passed down in the oral tradition of his venerable ancestors that worked on the Great Wall Of China. It seems that many thousands of years ago King Ramses11 was in need of security from the Hittites and others and asked his chief warlord Ra Ra for advice. "I'll get right back to you" he replied and immediately went to his Roman friend the 'family' consigliere Gino the Nose. Gino thought a while and thought again some a more eh! "Eureka!" he said "what u a need is a bigga de fense." "A fence", said the warlord Ra Ra, "A fence she won't do much. Chitty, Chitty bang bang," He exclaimed in disgust, "Joshaua fit the battle of Jericho Jericho Jericho Joshua fit the battle of Jericho And the walls come tumbling down. We need a more than de fence." "Notta de fence" said Gino, " De fense lika in Cathay where they have a bigga wall made of blocks, big a blocks, bigga like, like a house" "Hmmmm" said Ra Ra. "and who could build us such a wall" "Lets ask the Jew, a sheyner Yid" said Gino, "he has contacts everywhere." So off they went to the shtetl ghetto to look for Shelomo son of Simon and Garfunkle. Finding him at his usual haunt, playing Marko Polo in the pool room at Geppetto's Pizza Pie and Puppet Master place, they bought him an espresso and a blintz, piece of stuffed derma a pitzel kugel mit der sour cream. "Nu" said Shel, "A bI gezunt, vat am I doing maybe for you?" "We need someone to build a wall like the wall in Cathay" "OY! Such a wall, that wall is such a mess, by me, ongepotchket even. It goes down and up and around and up and down, It could make you crazy, meshuge, already. Why would you want such a wall?" "Rammy wants more security is the simple explanation, who might build a wall even better than Cathay's wall then?" "Aha! and hoo ha!, The best by me is the Roman Louie the Brick, A maven with stone and blocks, he does such good work, but on cost plus expenses. Maybe I could get a little knocked off if you pay cash? Nu Nu? You would also need to have blocks delivered to Louie's specs and he wouldn't start until you got them on hand. You got a goot supply person in mind? Otherwise I could suggest maybe that company from Athens and Sparta, Popadopaulas and Onassis own it. The company name is POON, taken from the first two letters of their names, PO an ON,. Their corporate headquarters is in Tangiers, Marocco. Their zip code is TANG. If you need send a courier, the address is POON-TANG, that will reach them. They have already one deal in blocks of stone for some Aztec place. They supplied material for big idols on an Island and for some Druids up north,and some large sports complex in Rome I hear they're pretty good, a bit nancy boys, but a good reputation. Be careful they don't sell you a contract for pastel colors though. They say they're in season this year." So...time passes. Ramsey looks at the wall model, ok's the cost estimate, hires Louie the Mason, Popa and Onassis as supply agents, raises taxes and has his architect start laying out the course for the wall. Phoenician vessels start arriving with blocks of stone of varied size ordered through Popa and Onassis in accordance with Louie's specs. Meantime with an advance $$$, Louie is holidaying in Ophir. Having been left in a mess over short supply several times before he was reluctant to start until the supplies are delivered completely. The Phoenician vessels have brought load after load of the huge blocks to Egypt's docks for the wall. Soon they were spreading into the edge of town... then the outskirts of the market places, roads were blocked, the communal baths were blocked Ramses special wife was Nefertari. He really doted on her and if truth be told while a pretty good king, was quite a wuss and very henpecked. Nerfertari had been shopping and was appalled at the piled up blocks in every available space. Here and there, hither and yon, around and about, in total chaos and disarray. Furious she charged into the palace, past the crap tables and roulette wheel, past the slots and banged on the door of the King's study where he had been interviewing a potential concubine. "What in hell are you going to do with all those %$&^ #$@ b-b-b-b-big blocks!!!??? :-X Sadly she s-s-s-s-s-s stuttered when mad. " Why sweetie, I'm going to build the biggest and best security wall ever devised and built by man, a royal brick wonder of the ages", he said according to the scribes notes on the occasion. "I don't give a crap in a crypt what your building, I want them placed neatly some place where they're out of the way till you start work. I can't stand the mess you've made of our city. Hop to it." So the King got the tribe of Jews to stack the blocks up neatly in piles out of the way clearing the square and the roads in and out of the city. Nerfertari was pacified and they were living happily, brother and sister again dancing merrily to their song, Midnight On The Oasis, played on a zither, horn and drums by the Joshua 5. Unfortunately just about then laws changed and Popadopaulas and Onassis ran off to Babylon to get married and lived happily thereafter in Greece building very nice little stone buildings, aqueducts and the like, so the story goes. Without more orders the Phoenician vessels looked for a different outlet for the blocks and deliveries stopped. A discouraged Louie, reputation ruined, was relegated to building brick outhouses which became famous for their detailed work as pieces of fartsy artsy. The Jews piled the blocks neatly in desert places and they remained to be seen to this day standing a witness to one of man's biggest failures. Although some see them as tourist sites sitting neatly in piles like pyramids in the setting sun. King Ramses II was also known as Bubbah. I hope you enjoy the story, I wrote it pretty much as Wu~ told me. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 165 [topic] => 31 [informant] => pooper [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => StoryPoetry )
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