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Array ( [sid] => 162254 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Self Hate... [time] => 2010-09-11 09:00:57 [hometext] => This is another of my poems that was written during a darker moment a while ago... [bodytext] => No one can understand the things that go on in my mind,
I just want to leave it all behind,
All the dreams that haunt me at night,
Make me dread waking to the daylight,
Always feeling out of place,
Hiding behind a smiling face,

Who can you trust in this world of pain?
After being hurt again and again,
Making me want to just give up,
Cut the vein,

So i turn to anorexia,
Because im convinced i'll be happier when im thinner,
It's become so hard to trust that it's healthier to eat dinner,
I used it to protect me,
To help me stay in control,
To ease the pain,
Shut down the brain,
But why do i still need it?
Why can't i let go?
Anorexic ways,
They hold on and strongly grow,

I try to stay positive,
Try not to pretend,
Pretending everything is okay,
When it's hard to comprehend,

But the secrets that are held beneath it,
Are so painful and so deep,
But so real and so true,
I wish i wouldn't wake from my sleep,

I'm too weak to fight it,
I'm too weak to try,
The only strength i have left,
Is to curl up and cry,

Feeling stressed,
Wanting to live less and less,
I wouldnt have to worry about all my fears,
Never again would i feel the tears,
This emotional pain bottled up inside,
Makes me think of self-harm and suicide,

I know its the easy way out,
But you try living a life filled with doubt,
Anorexia is my other way to deal,
But in no way is it helping me to heal,

Its still so hard,
The voices are still clear,
The demons inside cause so much fear,
So please someone tell me how long i will have to wait,
To completely get rid of all this self hate...

[comments] => 4 [counter] => 186 [topic] => 61 [informant] => neverlosehope [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )

Self Hate...

Contributed by neverlosehope on Saturday, 11th September 2010 @ 09:00:57 AM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

No one can understand the things that go on in my mind,
I just want to leave it all behind,
All the dreams that haunt me at night,
Make me dread waking to the daylight,
Always feeling out of place,
Hiding behind a smiling face,

Who can you trust in this world of pain?
After being hurt again and again,
Making me want to just give up,
Cut the vein,

So i turn to anorexia,
Because im convinced i'll be happier when im thinner,
It's become so hard to trust that it's healthier to eat dinner,
I used it to protect me,
To help me stay in control,
To ease the pain,
Shut down the brain,
But why do i still need it?
Why can't i let go?
Anorexic ways,
They hold on and strongly grow,

I try to stay positive,
Try not to pretend,
Pretending everything is okay,
When it's hard to comprehend,

But the secrets that are held beneath it,
Are so painful and so deep,
But so real and so true,
I wish i wouldn't wake from my sleep,

I'm too weak to fight it,
I'm too weak to try,
The only strength i have left,
Is to curl up and cry,

Feeling stressed,
Wanting to live less and less,
I wouldnt have to worry about all my fears,
Never again would i feel the tears,
This emotional pain bottled up inside,
Makes me think of self-harm and suicide,

I know its the easy way out,
But you try living a life filled with doubt,
Anorexia is my other way to deal,
But in no way is it helping me to heal,

Its still so hard,
The voices are still clear,
The demons inside cause so much fear,
So please someone tell me how long i will have to wait,
To completely get rid of all this self hate...

Copyright © neverlosehope ... [ 2010-09-11 09:00:57]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Self Hate... (User Rating: 1 )
by Bexstasy on Saturday, 11th September 2010 @ 09:26:11 AM AEST
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Oooft, this is brilliant! So much depth and meaning.

And I understand! I think that's what's really great about this poem, it's so nice to be able to read something that you can compare to and in such fantastic wording! Wow. :)

Re: Self Hate... (User Rating: 1 )
by natizzle on Tuesday, 14th September 2010 @ 09:09:00 PM AEST
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there is so much feeling in this, thanks for sharing it. awesome write.

Re: Self Hate... (User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on Monday, 20th September 2010 @ 04:23:57 PM AEST
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The poem itself has a great structure, with a steady flow leading up to the emotive ending. As for the content, I hope this is in your past, but if you ever would like someone to speak to, feel free to pm me. I may not have had all your struggles but I do have a friendly ear. You asked when the self hate will stop and I do believe it always resides in everyone of us, it lingers deep down below, and bubbles up from time to time. I think writing is an excellent weapon against self loathing and harmful behaviours. Reaching out and letting your voice be heard is the best way to conquer depression.

Well expressed piece, and do as your nickname implies. Thanks for sharing.

Re: Self Hate... (User Rating: 1 )
by jamesatteb on Friday, 12th November 2010 @ 07:16:06 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

wow!! i love this poem,its almost like looking into a mirror ! the words paint such a dramatic picture that makes me want to run to you and comfort you ! beautiful work

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