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Array
(
[sid] => 159596
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => DEPRESSION
[time] => 2010-05-06 12:40:18
[hometext] => I was married to a man without feelings. He had no feelings for himself, or anyone else. He used to say that if it didn't hurt him, he couldn't understand why it hurt me. Then one day I couldn't get out of bed.
[bodytext] =>  DEPRESSION Imprisoned in depth, dungeon-like, complicated, severe. No meaning, nor purpose. How do I get from there to here? One moment is white, the next is blue. Unpleasant emotions, is all I can view. Initiative stymied, lost motion, or touch. "Well-being" secluded, dare not feel, May feel too much!  Who put me here? There must be someone to blame? I can't see their face, nor remember their name? Standing outside, viewing from within. Must pull myself together, But where to begin? Be calm, stoic, how? Easy flowing tears, Deep down no feelings, empty, vacant vacuum, fears! Anxious, inner anxieties, Mental orders, no, disorders, Counting, sorting, neatly compact. No concentration, nothing is in tact!  Is this boredom? Seeking a way to escape? I'll sleep now, perhaps a nightmare? T'will all be gone when I awake!  Going through motions, I'm a void in time, suspended without thoughts, Answers, questions, reason, or rhyme. Lacks control, matters not. Panic, devastation, desolation, Pieces unsorted, unseen soul, Neglected tasks, forgotten role.  Can't reach out, stifled, close, encased. Unfinished sloppy, not clean. No help, hopeless, where to lean? Depression, unlike grieving, For grieving means feeling grief, With depression, feelings are robbed, Exaggerated moods, no relief! No understanding, comprehension, see? I care less, and less,  What kind of person was "me?" Did I thrill of excitement? Flush of embarrassment? Was my life filled with joy, and happiness? Was I loved less? I've been robbed of joy, loss of self-identity. When will I be released, and set free? And, when I am, will I be "Me?" ~*~*~*~ Created for all the poor souls that have ever fallen into a deep depression. I created this just for you Lovingcritters  "Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts!" ~Penelope Sweet~ ~*~*~*~ *Forever Smiles* P.S. I left and divorced him in 1993............finally!!! [comments] => 6 [counter] => 168 [topic] => 21 [informant] => lovingcritters [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 15 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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