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Array ( [sid] => 158044 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Be Mine O Grief [time] => 2010-03-10 21:45:16 [hometext] => My first poem for this site. Lets see how it goes [bodytext] => Be mine O grief because I tell you so,
Stay with me forever don’t go
Be mine O grief as I am alone
Where I‘ve to go don’t know

The skin has started to feel so numb
The hands have started to shake
The wiggling toes are hard to feel
The hopes are beginning to break

The tongue has always a bitterly taste
As though the air is damp
I walk round and round in haste
The fingers are sour and clamp

Pain has now a caressing touch
It always is along
So be mine O grief I beg of you
As I am singing you this song
[comments] => 4 [counter] => 271 [topic] => 75 [informant] => harsh [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 26 [ratings] => 6 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )

Be Mine O Grief

Contributed by harsh on Wednesday, 10th March 2010 @ 09:45:16 PM in AEST
Topic: anguished

Be mine O grief because I tell you so,
Stay with me forever don’t go
Be mine O grief as I am alone
Where I‘ve to go don’t know

The skin has started to feel so numb
The hands have started to shake
The wiggling toes are hard to feel
The hopes are beginning to break

The tongue has always a bitterly taste
As though the air is damp
I walk round and round in haste
The fingers are sour and clamp

Pain has now a caressing touch
It always is along
So be mine O grief I beg of you
As I am singing you this song

Copyright Â© harsh ... [ 2010-03-10 21:45:16]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Be Mine O Grief (User Rating: 1 )
by Inchiostro on Wednesday, 10th March 2010 @ 10:11:10 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

okay i really like your rhythm here its vary catchy, i have a few little issues, but over all its great.

First stanza last line Was there supposed to be an "I"?? Where I‘ve to go "I" don’t know

Third stanza first line "The tongue has always a bitterly taste" was it supposed to be bitterly? or Bitter??

Other then those two things, which are probably my inability to appreciate your creative license, it is Great!!

Be mine O grief because I tell you so,
Stay with me forever don’t go
Be mine O grief as I am alone
Where I've to go don’t know

The skin has started to feel so numb
The hands have started to shake
The wiggling toes are hard to feel
The hopes are beginning to break

The tongue has always a bitterly taste
As though the air is damp
I walk round and round in haste
The fingers are sour and clamp

Pain has now a caressing touch
It always is along
So be mine O grief I beg of you
As I am singing you this song

Re: Be Mine O Grief (User Rating: 1 )
by northernlights on Wednesday, 10th March 2010 @ 10:28:52 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Suffering both physically and mentally,and the desperation of claiming grief as a friend in order to have something to cling on to, a sensitive write with the most powerful poignant line being.......Be mine O grief as I am alone. enjoyed reading your first write look forward to reading more

Re: Be Mine O Grief (User Rating: 1 )
by fadingaway on Wednesday, 10th March 2010 @ 10:30:42 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Great for a first write.
Cant wait to read more.

Re: Be Mine O Grief (User Rating: 1 )
by Fuzzy on Thursday, 11th March 2010 @ 07:17:00 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

very nice write, very well written.

Take care
Fuzzy

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