Your Poetry Dot Com

Welcome to Your Poetry Dot Com - Read, Rate, Comment on, or Submit Poetry. Browse Poetry Forums, or just enjoy other parts of our poetic community.
One of the largest databases of poetry on the net, now over 198,500+ poems!

Poems On Site: 198,500+ Comments On Poems: 427,000+ Forum Posts: 105,000+

Custom Search


Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	29-May 13:26:13 AEST

Menu

· Our eBay Store

· Error Submit

Poetry

· Submit Poetry

· Least Read Poems

· Members Listing

· Old Site Post 2001

· Old Site Pre 2001

· Poetry Archive

· Public Domain Poetry

Stories

· Stories (NEW ! )

· Submit Story

· Story Topics

· Stories Archive

· Story Search

Community

· Our Poetry Forums

· Our Arcade
100's of Games !

Site Help

· FAQ

· Feedback

Members Areas

· Your Account

· Members Journals

· Premium Sign-Up

Premium Section

· Special Section

· Premium Poems

· Premium Submit

· Premium Search

· Premium Archive

· Premium Topics

Fun & Games

· Jokes

· Bubble Puzzle

· Cross Word Easy

· Word Hunt

Reference

· Dictionary (Rhyming)

· Site Updates

· Special Content

Search

Top

Help This Site

· Donations

Others

· Moderators

Our Other Sites

· Embroidery Design Store
· Your Jokes
· Special Urls
· JM Embroideries
· Public Domain Poetry and Stories
· Diamond Dotz
· Cooking Info and Recipes
· Quoof - Australian Story

Social

Array ( [sid] => 155839 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Unfinished [time] => 2009-12-11 10:54:50 [hometext] => I feel like this isn't finished. Just somthing feels off, but I figured I'd post and see what everyone thought. [bodytext] => Battered and broken, Time’s forgotten token
Gravity shifts, trepidation rises
Vertigo takes over, bends will and pride
Eyes glaze, worlds collide

This isn’t finished
Diminished sense of self
One can become, transform, elongate to crucify

Tarnish to rust to ash and dust
Warring forces, infinity versus mortality
Humanity builds, nature endures
[comments] => 5 [counter] => 229 [topic] => 73 [informant] => ToxicityOfTheCity [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 20 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => abstract )

Unfinished

Contributed by ToxicityOfTheCity on Friday, 11th December 2009 @ 10:54:50 AM in AEST
Topic: abstract

Battered and broken, Time’s forgotten token
Gravity shifts, trepidation rises
Vertigo takes over, bends will and pride
Eyes glaze, worlds collide

This isn’t finished
Diminished sense of self
One can become, transform, elongate to crucify

Tarnish to rust to ash and dust
Warring forces, infinity versus mortality
Humanity builds, nature endures

Copyright Â© ToxicityOfTheCity ... [ 2009-12-11 10:54:50]
(Date/Time posted on site)

Advertisments:

Previous Posted Poem | | Next Posted Poem

Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more

All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title etc.

Re: Unfinished (User Rating: 1 )
by laststarontheleft on Friday, 11th December 2009 @ 01:02:20 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

this is very good indeed, but I do see
what you mean, there's something
missing around diminished sense of self, even just a word or two, going by your usual style. I hope that wasn' rude of me x
Brilliant write all the same!
Star x x x

Re: Unfinished (User Rating: 1 )
by ToxicityOfTheCity on Friday, 11th December 2009 @ 08:56:17 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Totally not rude! I like criticism. I can admit when something isn't right. Thank you, I appreciate it!
xxxx
--Tox

Re: Unfinished (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Saturday, 12th December 2009 @ 02:02:08 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

To me it stands on its own the way it is.
Kind of like thoughts racing and ending abruptly only to begin again..... Does that make sense? I love it....... My mind is racing alot lately, this fits.

Back to finish my beer
Have a good night

Michelle

Re: Unfinished (User Rating: 1 )
by Aspirant on Tuesday, 15th December 2009 @ 01:12:11 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

If you don't mind me saying, I think the most interesting part of this poem (to me) might be what's missing. It feels as if there is some core idea that isn't clearly in the lines, and an obvious placeholder left where it might go. Pondering what that concept might be allows for a huge multiplicity of meanings to be drawn from the poem, and also raises the question -- why do we sense its presence at all?

Re: Unfinished (User Rating: 1 )
by adub1138 on Tuesday, 15th December 2009 @ 06:37:59 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Here's something.

I think that it seems like the beginning of three different poems. Its like they could be a cycle of poems (using theses as openings for three different poems). Am I crazy? Well more so than usual.

BTW, this tells you how much I know about poetry I wouldn't have missed a beat if you hadn't said something.

While every care is taken to ensure the general sites content is family safe, our moderators cannot be in all places; all the time. Please report poetry and or comments that are in breach of our site rules HERE (Please include poem title or url). Parents also please ensure that you supervise your children well when they are on the internet; regardless of what a site says about being, or being considered, child-safe.

Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. Â©

Opinions expressed in the poetry, comments, forums etc. on this site are not necessarily those of this site, its owners and/or operators; but of the individuals who post items to this site.
Frequently Asked Questions | | | Privacy Policy | | | Contact Webmaster

All submitted items are Copyright Â© to their submitter. All the rest Copyright Â© 2002-2050 by Your Poetry Dot Com

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owners.

Script Generation Time: 0.052 Seconds. - View our Site Map | .© your-poetry.com