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Array ( [sid] => 150092 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Fool on a Muse [time] => 2009-05-23 00:51:58 [hometext] => This is not actually a poem, rather lyrics for a song. Regardless, I'm posting all my lyrics here because I'd appreciate some feedback. I feel some of it is very cliche, and I hate that. Please let me know if you feel the same way. [bodytext] => Email me if you would like to hear the completed song.



When the chains are set down,
To a floor board of glass –
The mind on a mound,
A pulsating mass.

Pull away the layers.
Don’t look just to see.
Feel with your heart,
Then only will it be.

The return to solidarity,
Burdened by absurdity.
Never free from mental slavery,
Sorrow in loss of singularity.

But then the chains are set down
And the cold begins to pass.
The mind on the ground,
No longer makes its trespass.

A fool on the muse,
At the whim of his views,
The green of the trees,
The ravenous, careening breeze.
Light through the snowfall,
His nerves are enthralled.
The scent of the flower,
His heart does devour.

The ridges of his fingertips,
Remember the feel of bliss.
Nerves now electric,
How could he have forgotten this?
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 196 [topic] => 13 [informant] => user5684 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
Fool on a Muse

Contributed by user5684 on Saturday, 23rd May 2009 @ 12:51:58 AM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry



Email me if you would like to hear the completed song.



When the chains are set down,
To a floor board of glass –
The mind on a mound,
A pulsating mass.

Pull away the layers.
Don’t look just to see.
Feel with your heart,
Then only will it be.

The return to solidarity,
Burdened by absurdity.
Never free from mental slavery,
Sorrow in loss of singularity.

But then the chains are set down
And the cold begins to pass.
The mind on the ground,
No longer makes its trespass.

A fool on the muse,
At the whim of his views,
The green of the trees,
The ravenous, careening breeze.
Light through the snowfall,
His nerves are enthralled.
The scent of the flower,
His heart does devour.

The ridges of his fingertips,
Remember the feel of bliss.
Nerves now electric,
How could he have forgotten this?




Copyright © user5684 ... [ 2009-05-23 00:51:58]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Fool on a Muse (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Saturday, 23rd May 2009 @ 09:51:24 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Hey, welcome to YPDC! You know, songs are actually poetry set to music,
so in fact, lyrics ARE poems. (There is a "LYRICS" selection in topics if you
are interested in posting your "words" under that heading)

I don't find this cliché at all. The idea, concept or thought may be an old
one, but you've crafted a unique and intriguing piece. I adore the last
stanza. It is very passionate. The whole piece actually breathes passion.

Great post!

~ Breezy



Re: Fool on a Muse (User Rating: 1 )
by perfectdisaster on Saturday, 23rd May 2009 @ 05:17:38 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I think this is beautiful and music is poetry, poetry lyrics.
The ravenous, careening breeze.
This line is incredible!











Re: Fool on a Muse (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 6th July 2009 @ 11:37:04 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Yeah, what Breezy said. Very nicely done.

Tim




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