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Array
(
[sid] => 149652
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I Won't Tell.
[time] => 2009-05-04 19:05:17
[hometext] => No explanation published. Details given on a person-to-person basis.
[bodytext] => I WON'T TELL. How many times did I promise that? I WON'T TELL. What sounds like such a simple phrase Speaks eternities in its three words because Once you've promised not to tell You've signed away your right to speak To believe To tell your story You've signed away your rights And even though I never once said it to you exactly As I crumpled on your cellar floor I still knew it was between us An unspoken promise to lie An unspoken Promise to Lie And even though I never once said it to you exactly As I was thrown into the wall I still knew that I was just giving you another excuse To carry on your crash-course of destruction Because even though it wasn't hurting you It was destroying me It was destroying me And even though I never once said it to you exactly As I cried myself to sleep Praying for someone to save me Praying for someone to open my mouth Praying for someone To let me tell To let me break that promise I still knew that every second I didn't open my mouth was Another second I was screaming in my head Another second I was promising to lie for you And even though I never once said it exactly As I turned my hatred inward I knew that by swearing to keep quiet I was suffocating in my own lies And they were slowly killing me While I was slowly killing myself To hide what I refused to show And even though I never once said it exactly As I checked into the hospital [For the third time that year] I knew that every day I didn't tell someone Was another day that I was Letting all this affect me Even though it was my own life I was letting other people control it I was letting them take me over I was letting them Take me Over And even though I never once said it exactly As they told me to be your friend I refused to tell and I refused to be your friend Even though I looked like I was the one at fault Even though I knew that You were the one who should be blamed but No one ever would As long as I kept my promise No one ever would blame you As long as I didn't tell because I did not create this and I did not decide this and Even though I never once said it exactly You forced this on me You made me do this and I have become this Because of what you did but I am sick of giving you the power and I am sick of letting you take me over and I am sick of letting you chain me I am sick of Letting you Chain me and I've made my choices now I won't lie for you anymore because I am not going to let you do this I am not going to let you destroy me I am not Going to let you Destroy me and All of a sudden I look around and see Everyone staring at me Waiting for my choice And I can either continue to lie for you Lie for someone who's never Deserved a second of my time [Although I gave him two years] Or I can open my mouth and scream and Fight for what I know is truth and The room falls silent and I know that this is my only chance to tell the truth and I know that this is my only chance to be strong and I know that this is my only chance to be heard This is my only chance To be heard So I look down and Rip the scarlet letter off my chest that promises "I WON'T TELL." The letter that cuts me off from everyone I love because I'm too busy drowning in my own lies and Trying to keep track of what I've told and What I've hidden and My lies are shattering before my eyes because I can't hide the truth anymore and so I stand up and Look every single person in the eye So they know that This time they are getting the truth and This time they are getting a secret I've kept for years and This time they are getting the real me They are getting The real me Not the girl who's been hiding behind her hair and Her drama and her Flailing insanity and her Elaborately constructed lie [Which is now crashing down at her feet as we speak] I open my mouth and the first word falters and Suddenly I can't do this Suddenly I don't want to do this Suddenly I don't want to be standing here Telling everyone secrets I've kept for years Which are too painful to even mention Even though they're eating me from the inside out and I apologize to everyone and sit back down and end by telling them that I WON'T TELL. . . .I won't tell. . . Suddenly it occurs to me that Even though I never once said it to you exactly I'm promising them the same thing I once promised you and Suddenly I want to do this Suddenly I have to do this and I jump up on my chair and I scream I Scream Until the lights come crashing down and The lies come crashing down and I lose my voice but It doesn't even matter and I keep screaming Until I've told everyone All that I had promised not to tell and Even though he's looking at me Like he's ready to kill me [And we all know he'd probably like to right about now] That doesn't even matter Because if you don't want someone telling what you did then Maybe you shouldn't do things you'll have to lie about later So I keep screaming Even though I look like an idiot Standing on top of my chair Screaming my face off Although somehow I seem to have caught the room's attention and Maybe now someone will listen Not just to me but To every single person who's promised not to tell So listen to Whatever their story is because You might just learn something about yourself in the process and Now maybe you'll tell your story because The biggest lie anyone's ever told is I WON'T TELL. I. WON'T. TELL. [comments] => 0 [counter] => 140 [topic] => 21 [informant] => snazzychica2812 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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