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With this Pen...
Contributed by
ShhthisXxclusiive
on
Tuesday, 14th April 2009 @ 08:16:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
As I pick up this pen to express pain through ink
the sweet wind gently kisses my face only
leaving me to think
The blistering rays hit my body
traces of beaded sweat lay upon my skin
Trails of tears run down my face
imposing the slightest whim
Look into my eyes which rest upon that sheet
soon to be covered with only mere memories
Look deep inside, see the knots and twists,
can you believe this is how we all pictured bliss
Was this but a dream
an image in my head
did this really happen
or is it only what I read
The more I think the harder it gets
I’m leaving this room it’s only filled with regrets
As I reach for the door and turn once again
I only see that sheet with ink and a pen.
Copyright ©
ShhthisXxclusiive
... [
2009-04-14 20:16:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: With this Pen...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Paige on
Tuesday, 14th April 2009 @ 08:24:39 PM AEST
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| I love the feeling in this poem. The thing about this poem is..someone really is feeling like this, it makes me hurt, which is what good poetry is, right? |
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Re: With this Pen...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Voice of the Silent on
Tuesday, 14th April 2009 @ 09:09:46 PM AEST
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Great first poem reminds me of when I first started writing but your writing is different I like the flow of the whole thing and well I just liked it over all
And to answer paiges question poetry is what you want it to be if you think that's what poetry is then it is
anyway great poem
hope to read more soon
-kelly
oh and welcome to the site since this is your first poem I'm guessing your new so welcome |
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Re: With this Pen...
(User Rating: 1 )
by 3660Days on
Wednesday, 15th April 2009 @ 07:38:17 AM AEST
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I think people get tired of hearing me say this, and I know I get tired of hearing me say this as well, but I honestly believe that this is some excellent advice: If you want to rhyme poetry, you must watch out for two things:
1. You don't want to sound sing-songy like Dr. Seuss, with the short/simple AABBCCDD rhymes, and
2. You must have a knack for meter, or at least keep a standard number of syllables per line, or else it comes off as choppy.
The other problem, of course, is that trying to "force" a poem to rhyme often results in lines that don't really make a lot of sense, or are unneeded altogether. I always suggest starting out without rhyme, so that one can focus on meter and form first. But, by that same token, I am no scholar myself :-P
Hope to read more from you soon. |
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