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Array
(
[sid] => 148640
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I wish I wouldn't wish like this
[time] => 2009-03-21 21:21:26
[hometext] => This is what I'm feeling this night
[bodytext] => When you're stumping on my soul, remember that I'm feeling it When you're playing with my feelings, open your hand and let me loose Though what I feel for you is so true, I have to let you go Though you're what you are, I'm not good enough You caress me with your tongue so sweetly, you and only you make me feel like this Truth be told, all I've wanted was and is you, since we've met you haven't failed to seduce me I wish I had the strength to just walk away, but with a smile I know you know I can't just walk away! So, we will continue this game of up and down, repeating and returning to the beginning I don't even know if what I think is true is true, but you know and without knowing it you're controlling this ride I continue to sit in this seat, looking up at you as constantly you pull the lever down, pull it back up, and say how much you like me I wish I was never this lonely, and I wish I never met you, you are different from any one I've ever known and that’s what keeps me here I'm waiting at your feet, waiting for your brief caress It feels so nice sometimes the things you say, and how it brightens this life I'm living How tonight, the things are crowding around me, stabbing at me, laughing, all the things that bring tears to my eyes The big ball of tiny things like cells that form together, they make me cripple, they take away the sun that shines, they make me avoid it How the light burns my skin and make me ache, how it make this pain real even if it is not I'm so trapped inside my mind, gnawing at the bars that hold me hostage I don't what is real and what is not, if only I could meditate on it going away and it would If only the thing that holds me back could disappear, if only god had not created the thing that is me I hate looking at myself, seeing myself turn away, it hurts I want to feel I can be loved, though it isn’t possible, I wish I could lie in the tub with my head under water until life slips from my body I wish I wouldn't feel the need to express what I feel, it makes the tearing bleeding go away, though the scars do not I wish could be like every one else in this home, I wish I wouldn't wish like this I wish I wouldn't come here, I wish I didn't drink tonight [comments] => 2 [counter] => 270 [topic] => 43 [informant] => bluethewolf [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
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