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Array ( [sid] => 148390 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The End [time] => 2009-03-09 07:38:40 [hometext] => This is my first real attempt at a poem, I'm trying to branch out into different art forms. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. [bodytext] => Creation cries when crumbled and crushed

My terrored screams will soon be hushed

With or without you, I must go

And how it all ended not a soul will know

Armageddon is nearing, I fear tomorrow

Though I'll cease to ponder and pine over sorrow

The end begins at sunrise so there's no reason to fight

Though I'd stop the earth early just to be with you tonight

...I've often wondered what I'd do with a day

If tomorrow was gone with no words left to pray...

I'd drag you into the ocean, and we would make love

With many great apologies to the heavens above

Of course, though, you're not even close to a beach

On my last day alive you're far from my reach

And I'm left to contemplate again without you near

And calculate what's left to live while I'm still breathing here

But I have no purpose left at all, you left my mind blank

'Cuz all I did was fall for you, while the world around me sank [comments] => 6 [counter] => 224 [topic] => 48 [informant] => passion4life [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

The End

Contributed by passion4life on Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 07:38:40 AM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

Creation cries when crumbled and crushed

My terrored screams will soon be hushed

With or without you, I must go

And how it all ended not a soul will know

Armageddon is nearing, I fear tomorrow

Though I'll cease to ponder and pine over sorrow

The end begins at sunrise so there's no reason to fight

Though I'd stop the earth early just to be with you tonight

...I've often wondered what I'd do with a day

If tomorrow was gone with no words left to pray...

I'd drag you into the ocean, and we would make love

With many great apologies to the heavens above

Of course, though, you're not even close to a beach

On my last day alive you're far from my reach

And I'm left to contemplate again without you near

And calculate what's left to live while I'm still breathing here

But I have no purpose left at all, you left my mind blank

'Cuz all I did was fall for you, while the world around me sank

Copyright © passion4life ... [ 2009-03-09 07:38:40]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The End (User Rating: 1 )
by dark_poet on Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 09:17:15 AM AEST
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for your first attempt, it was impressive. the meaning and flow was expressed well. i could not spot a single flaw in this piece, the syllables in each line were almost even.

when you say reaching out for different art forms, what do you mean? i went from poetry into photography, it is another way of art for me

good write passion4life

Re: The End (User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 10:07:32 AM AEST
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Depth in thought..clarity in the expression..good flow..
You are welcome..you can write more.God bless. venkat

Re: The End (User Rating: 1 )
by snoopington on Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 01:03:20 PM AEST
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great flow,easy to read and expressed very well, well done keep it up

Re: The End (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 02:22:39 PM AEST
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a beautiful write. it flowed elegantly along to a powerful crescendo at the end. the imagery was deep and emotive as well, great work.

-phil

Re: The End (User Rating: 1 )
by ItsMeNow on Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 06:47:25 PM AEST
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I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was very well written and expressed some very deep thoughts. If this truly is your first you have a natural talent and should continue to write. Keep the pieces coming.

Re: The End (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 9th March 2009 @ 10:17:55 PM AEST
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Yeah, pretty much what everyone else here said. I really like the metaphor with the analogy of your world ending without your true love and the last line sums that up in a most excellent way. Very very impressive, especially for a first attempt. Keep it up.

Take care,

Tim

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