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Array ( [sid] => 148323 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Broken dream ! [time] => 2009-03-05 14:06:26 [hometext] => My first time attempting to write a poem....I want to add more to it, any suggestions/criticism would be appreciated [bodytext] =>

I still remember the moment I saw you dressed in blue.
I fell in love and didn¡¦t even have a clue.
I miss your touch, your smile and of course your cheeks ƒº
forgive me if I sound like a geek¡K
you knew how to make me feel loved with you gentle strokes
thinking about it makes me choke ƒ¼

Being with you was like the most pleasant dream,
but dreams always come to an end and so did we¡K..
we tend to forget our dreams even the ones that fill our hearts with bliss
but I wont forget you, my broken dream.
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 156 [topic] => 2 [informant] => rupy [notes] => Edited for typos by Mod_11 [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 14 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )

Broken dream !

Contributed by rupy on Thursday, 5th March 2009 @ 02:06:26 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

I still remember the moment I saw you dressed in blue.
I fell in love and didn¡¦t even have a clue.
I miss your touch, your smile and of course your cheeks ƒº
forgive me if I sound like a geek¡K
you knew how to make me feel loved with you gentle strokes
thinking about it makes me choke ƒ¼

Being with you was like the most pleasant dream,
but dreams always come to an end and so did we¡K..
we tend to forget our dreams even the ones that fill our hearts with bliss
but I wont forget you, my broken dream.

Copyright Â© rupy ... [ 2009-03-05 14:06:26]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Broken dream ! (User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on Thursday, 5th March 2009 @ 03:17:12 PM AEST
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A beautiful first attempt... This was indeed a joy to read. Welcome to YPDC...Hope to see more from you..
Jenni

Re: Broken dream ! (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Thursday, 5th March 2009 @ 03:43:14 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

welcome! good start, keep on writing!

-phil

Re: Broken dream ! (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Thursday, 5th March 2009 @ 03:48:54 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I am not sure it the moderator did something when he/she corrected the typos or those characters are intentional but I am guessing what I am seeing on my screen is not intentional. Anywho, they caught my eye and looked sort of odd.

Okay, why am I going on about that? Well, I'd probably contact site help about it.

http://www.your-poetry.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewforum&f=10

Ah creativity and poetry in general can be so subjective. I don't like to critique; especially publicly. Some people take it the wrong way. Not to say I haven't done that. So PM please me if you need details. Like I said, it's all subjective but I may have done this a little bit differently.... but then so would poet a, poet b, poet c, etc.

I can only tell you how I make my attempts. You will develop your own style. I myself still have much to learn.

I can say this, you have great potential and this is very nicely done. Love poems are some of the best poetry. There is nice imagery and there are sensual thoughts. Also a sense of loss. All brought together, I'd say a very nice first attempt.

Welcome to YPDC!!!! I love this place and hope you do to.

Take care and blessings to you.

Tim

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