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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	29-May 17:12:47 AEST

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Array ( [sid] => 148035 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => the hands that feed (a man's heart) [time] => 2009-02-18 19:12:48 [hometext] => [bodytext] => a thousand fingers

lashing out

like the tongues of vipers

at thier very own

unrecieved

uninterested

unoticed

unaffected

undisputed

master

this broken

disaster

was only here

for you

to slip on

your own broken

egos

trust me

i know

how your hurt

was grown

the points

you desire to make

to yourselves

is only half

of what you thought

you've known

[comments] => 1 [counter] => 161 [topic] => 43 [informant] => simsalabim [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

the hands that feed (a man's heart)

Contributed by simsalabim on Wednesday, 18th February 2009 @ 07:12:48 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

a thousand fingers

lashing out

like the tongues of vipers

at thier very own

unrecieved

uninterested

unoticed

unaffected

undisputed

master

this broken

disaster

was only here

for you

to slip on

your own broken

egos

trust me

i know

how your hurt

was grown

the points

you desire to make

to yourselves

is only half

of what you thought

you've known

Copyright © simsalabim ... [ 2009-02-18 19:12:48]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: the hands that feed (a man's heart) (User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on Wednesday, 18th February 2009 @ 07:20:24 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hey there,

I like this, I think the way it runs is really good. I do, however, think that it could do with being a bit longer, I got into it and it ended. There's a lot more than you could do with this, but that's a really good start.

The only other advice I can give you is: look at your punctuation.

Good write,

Phil xxx

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