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Array ( [sid] => 147430 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Rid [time] => 2009-01-13 17:50:45 [hometext] => [bodytext] => She looked down,
Down at the ground,
Down at the ground, with a spectacular frown

She stared at the child,
The child she bore,
The child she bore, laying flat on the floor

She cried wet tears,
Tears from her soul,
Tears from her soul, and her heart as a whole

She took the knife,
The knife from the drawer,
The knife from the drawer, went through what she wore

She fell with great spite,
Spite for her kid,
Spite for her kid, that she wished to get rid

She lay on the land,
The land of the dead,
The land of the dead, and the blood they did shed [comments] => 3 [counter] => 202 [topic] => 39 [informant] => kiss4roq [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Grief )

Rid

Contributed by kiss4roq on Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 05:50:45 PM in AEST
Topic: Grief

She looked down,
Down at the ground,
Down at the ground, with a spectacular frown

She stared at the child,
The child she bore,
The child she bore, laying flat on the floor

She cried wet tears,
Tears from her soul,
Tears from her soul, and her heart as a whole

She took the knife,
The knife from the drawer,
The knife from the drawer, went through what she wore

She fell with great spite,
Spite for her kid,
Spite for her kid, that she wished to get rid

She lay on the land,
The land of the dead,
The land of the dead, and the blood they did shed

Copyright © kiss4roq ... [ 2009-01-13 17:50:45]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Rid (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 05:57:51 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

wow this kind of took me aback.
Very dark write.

Michelle

Re: Rid (User Rating: 1 )
by elle on Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 08:38:59 PM AEST
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the scheme of rhyme, almost like a childs' song, is in total contrast to the devastingly sad & dark ending.
this isn't a bad thing, it just paramounts the ending by unpreparing the reader. it catches one, not so much by
surprise for the wording rings true to intent, but off guard. . . as hip-hop music for a horror film might. the flow. . .
the flow leads one, subconsiously, to feel that somehow the end will turn. very effectively done. peace. elle

Re: Rid (User Rating: 1 )
by apollo on Tuesday, 13th January 2009 @ 11:19:23 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

this is really good because i can visualize what i am reading but its also a dark write so its very creepy thinking about that but nevertheless a good write.

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