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Array
(
[sid] => 146761
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => untitled
[time] => 2008-12-11 00:14:18
[hometext] => something to ponder over
[bodytext] => its time for me to write again listening to my serenity my equality surrounded my a shroud of immaturity once again, i wait waiting for something to come vast in my soul, this will never return i will never cope with the pain i have endured regretting every day of my life sitting, drowning im tears something i will never get back my humanity my reason for reality existence the tapping on the walls have stopped time is non-existent you decision, changes your whole life capture the moment you feel imortal, unstoppable but withered down to mearly nothing lost my internal happiness no time to re cap what is inspiration? dertermination to push your limits there is no solution, resolution the image reapeats over and over what is the question ive been searching the missing peace within my serenity my apperence is decisive a mear illusion of my former self what seems to be...non-existence a heart... a soul... no simpathy or remorse i will drown in my own mistakes i will have my honor i will get my last words even if it kills me dwelling on my past immobile to proceed as if frozen in dissaray what exactually is keeping me alive that one last toke the one buzz that will end all the pain my fight for the hunt the love of the fight but love, the most powerful my emotions its all just to much to handle why do i care so much about her... she will really never know how i felt just to close my eyes... pretending that fake smile every morning just to make it one more day... how long do i have if there is a god please save me from this torment give me the power to move on what what doesnt kill you makes you stronger i will get my honor even if it kills me whom to blam but ones self blinded dayly i must leave i cant do this anymore what we see... never seems to be stored, locked away the heart bleeds, yurning, wanting less and less bleeding the internal bliss but her... the one i thought cared left me alone and barred how can someone just quite so i sit there... wondering hours and hours on end in sorrow with no justice no reason thought idea nothing promises i have made to never let the past get to me every day it fades more and more the heart bleeds what one cannot see that one emotion this feeling killed me right to the center of my heart my tragic life, reloaded the one thing... sending a stong man to his knees infront of his maker a chance to face everything.... fear love emotion life my internal weakness the true love was lost, stolen from my heart years ago, cheated and lyed to your best best friend stabbes you right in the back the reacurrence of my past back to haunt me once again i can only hope for self control i blame this all on myself regaurdless of anything my love, once again lost maybe i deserved this to be all alone, forgotten i had a plan, try to mix my mistakes never was given the chance killed it like you killed my heart how could you do this it must be easy i had no chance from the start but i shall crawl, bacl to my pathedic life fadding away after all this is my fate isnt it i deserve this from this piece of writing i better understand thee running to your closest comfort just giving right up a heart of gold, a weak mind i must move on thinking you were always worth the time not a day did i rarly... thinking of you was my drug i loved you its quite a shame now im going no were this is my fate this is what i deserve leave me be, it will only be a matter of time one day i will end my rein of terror killing the spirit within no pain fear emotion logic just me NOTHING you have fun with your life one day you will relize and yet to discover myself but when i do, i can shurly rest in peace feeling the brunt of the barell so cold and ruthless designed to kill just as humans are with a concenless mind out of my mind i have the power to create or destory my life doesnt matter anymore never did it matter im scared just staring into the wet darkness a trance, a flash back everything ive done shattered right in front of me i never gave up on you i just gave up on myself from day one closing my eyes sweezing thinking... i was never good enough EVER . . . . . . BANG!!!!!! you wake up cold and shivering the 12 gauge pesent arms waking up to another waisted day fake smile one day my fate will be all mine reality to do this all over again but i shall not appologize to myself this is who i am afterall... I AM MOST WANTED BANG [comments] => 1 [counter] => 158 [topic] => 48 [informant] => derickkk [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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