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Array
(
[sid] => 146208
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Poison for the soil
[time] => 2008-11-09 02:50:15
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => When we're all wrong hate will bring change... Decomposing day by day rotting here searching for anything to say, looking for anything to find, for any sign, reminding yourself to re-align yourself and trying to recognize that unique shell where you hide. Trying to force the calm pain tells you it's too late for a second chance, drop the anchor, dig in, stay the same and say you can't... Deprived of trust I question you again and again... When I'm living in my last thought will you ease my mind? Release me from time... Form the way that you want me to feel, cover my flaws with anything you can steal. They'll think it's mine and I'll say it's real, but who will know? Insecurities are walking in each step, wandering through this just living. Wondering am I hollow inside or overflowing and collapsing on the life that I survive. Folding away believing nothing is real not even what I feel. Closing the book on trying to prove myself and quitting on trying to heal. Covered in shade justice shows what it could be as the fight comes and goes. Kept in this so called reality my relentless infection thrives and flows. So blind from all except necessity as I gather all for the feast. Inviting deception to the table realizing it has come to this pathetic plea for compassion and release... The time has come to pick your poison for the soil while it's in plain sight for all to see, like waving a black flag in the middle of the night yelling aloud "come and get me"! Breaking out of the prison for my mind fearing it's collapse all the way through. Breaking it from the inside out ending it unresolved and creating a new. Trying to crawl I make it into the open and claim this selfish path as my own, standing up to walk in no-one's tracks, still here boiling alone. Reluctant defector, backed turned just the same. True thoughts not enough for the world to handle as I resume what is thought to be normal life. I change the channel scanning through the cancer revealed pointing outward and continuing the blame. Turning the corner to see that the tread is being ripped off of us all, disgarded as we are thrown into our true identities that we hardly knew or rarely saw. Catching me being free from myself is what's always been between the lines. Pondering reality, welcoming understanding, opening of the mind... The comfort of home is in spontaneous thought with countless signs that point in no particular direction reading "what does this all mean"?, "what have I known"? and "what have I taught"? Tempted to turn inward, I seek the lies... Why do I hide on the other side of the already broken glass?... Go forward for once and release the past. When are you really living? starting or ending? why are you still stuck in the beginning holding back and pretending? The path is void of choice once you finally move, drowning in it you're trying to prove, I can't defend, I can't choose, can't hear, can't fear, fight just enough not to fall taught to never bend making it further unclear. Ready through necessity as I'm waiting and bracing for the curse. Flooding my insides as I'm fading and continuing to hurt. Stop clean and refocus with no need to grieve, comfort comes as I find your death was just a daydream. The monotony brings an apology in advanced as I fear the truth is what you need. Realizing high tide doesn't come by chance it arrives so shut your eyes and breathe... [comments] => 1 [counter] => 161 [topic] => 21 [informant] => GDub [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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