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Array ( [sid] => 14607 [catid] => 1 [aid] => Mick [title] => dazed [time] => 2003-03-20 15:25:00 [hometext] => please comment. its my first poem.i know its quite short. but, how is it? [bodytext] => are you lost in your mind,
are you lost in your day.
do you see images that wont hide away.
Is it all but a joke that you think like me,
Can you see the crack falling beneath my tree.
Look in my mind, look in my day.
Do you see that im lost, this is all I can say. [comments] => 7 [counter] => 175 [topic] => 21 [informant] => smilinjlo17 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )

dazed

Contributed by smilinjlo17 on Thursday, 20th March 2003 @ 03:25:00 PM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems

are you lost in your mind,
are you lost in your day.
do you see images that wont hide away.
Is it all but a joke that you think like me,
Can you see the crack falling beneath my tree.
Look in my mind, look in my day.
Do you see that im lost, this is all I can say.

Copyright © smilinjlo17 ... [ 2003-03-20 15:25:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: dazed (User Rating: 1 )
by karoody on Thursday, 20th March 2003 @ 03:28:36 PM AEST
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though this is short, it is very thought-provoking. well done. keep it up. you're on the right track! welcome to ypdc, by the way.

Re: dazed (User Rating: 1 )
by smilinjlo17 on Thursday, 20th March 2003 @ 03:31:16 PM AEST
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thank you for ur comment. i do have about 8 more on this sight. if you'd like to read, look at my personal page on here.
thnx. lex

Re: dazed (User Rating: 1 )
by Lone_er on Thursday, 20th March 2003 @ 04:32:12 PM AEST
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I like it smilinjo. A great start. Keep on writing

Re: dazed (User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on Friday, 21st March 2003 @ 01:34:07 AM AEST
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Re: dazed (User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on Friday, 21st March 2003 @ 01:43:27 AM AEST
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Perhaps you are dazed, and found a crack to fall from your tree, .. if you are already fallen, pick up your strength and stand up as a new tree. . venka

Re: dazed (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Friday, 21st March 2003 @ 02:37:35 AM AEST
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This is very good. You said alot in a small poem.
Remember the great Oak once started from a small seed!! Welcome to ypdc!!
Michelle

Re: dazed (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 21st March 2003 @ 06:42:26 AM AEST
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Great start. Poems don't have t be long. Sometimes the shorter ones get straight to the point and are better at conveying your feelings. I know of a poem by a published poet that is 3 words long!!

I look forward to reading more of your work!

sleepless_siren

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