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Array ( [sid] => 146022 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Rewind [time] => 2008-10-30 21:50:46 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Rewind.
Take a few steps back—
Remember the way you used to think
When life was innocent,
And love was only a dream?
Back when your sickness was merely a spark;
When the meaning of “heartbreak”
Literally meant a crack in the heart.
Look hard into the past;
I want you to see the light in your eyes.
It has been a little over two years now;
But time has passed slowly
So you could catch a glimpse
Of what you were becoming.
In childhood, you were pure;
Or at least on the surface—
And now, somehow, you’ve crossed into
An adult world in which you find purposelessness.
You sit and observe
The children that laugh and live without a care,
The boy who skins his knee but acts tough—
And you wonder if they will turn out bad, like you
When those good little children grow up.
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 289 [topic] => 32 [informant] => HaleysHeresat [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )

Rewind

Contributed by HaleysHeresat on Thursday, 30th October 2008 @ 09:50:46 PM in AEST
Topic: SadPoetry

Rewind.
Take a few steps back—
Remember the way you used to think
When life was innocent,
And love was only a dream?
Back when your sickness was merely a spark;
When the meaning of “heartbreak”
Literally meant a crack in the heart.
Look hard into the past;
I want you to see the light in your eyes.
It has been a little over two years now;
But time has passed slowly
So you could catch a glimpse
Of what you were becoming.
In childhood, you were pure;
Or at least on the surface—
And now, somehow, you’ve crossed into
An adult world in which you find purposelessness.
You sit and observe
The children that laugh and live without a care,
The boy who skins his knee but acts tough—
And you wonder if they will turn out bad, like you
When those good little children grow up.

Copyright Â© HaleysHeresat ... [ 2008-10-30 21:50:46]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Rewind (User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on Friday, 31st October 2008 @ 01:48:47 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Welcome to our global family here at ypdc.
This write is really creative thinking.
Awesome work.
huggs, blessings,
emy

Re: Rewind (User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on Friday, 31st October 2008 @ 02:32:47 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Very impressive. Your imagery is very potent and well used (I love the "boy who skins his knee but acts tough"). I would suggest playing it up even more--using images instead of annotations to tell the story, and commentary more to put it in place.

On a separate note, spacing it out more might make it easier to read. The way you use punctuation is very effective, though.

I assume this is not actually the first poem you've written. Still, congradulations on finding a place to share your work.

Write on,

Solomon

Re: Rewind (User Rating: 1 )
by SilverRain on Saturday, 8th November 2008 @ 02:18:53 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hi
Impressive visual piece. I like the way this grows from a small memory into a heartfelt life lesson.

Nicely done.

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