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Array
(
[sid] => 145348
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Ever After All
[time] => 2008-09-23 12:54:34
[hometext] => Diligo per ullus opes...Umquam secundum totus
[bodytext] => I searched for me, In all the forgotten places inside. Past the twisted, threadbare corridors, Where the air is still and used. Was there life there once? Did the light ever break through the gloom? Because I swear to God, It seems unlikely, if not impossible. Faded things, forged things that once sang, Beautiful voices raised in joy. With all of the kindness of the past They now echo in a hollow way. I had plans, in amongst the fight. There would be a purpose and a reason, Despite the madness and needs, That churned and whirled within. The wind took me places. Tumbled me around like driftwood, Until I dropped down and shook my head, Unsure of where I was and why. Still, it all made sense at the time, A kind of shiny, crystal clarity That burned so clear I breathed light And opened my arms for the sun. For endless moments, I resisted it Even though it tasted so damn good. Fought the inevitable push and pull But grudgingly, I was as helpless as the rest. And in the end, I was willing. I knew the water would rise and bathe me, Wrap me in warmth, holding me up. I knew you would do that to me. I chose to jump in with my eyes wide, Breathing in all that made me love you. Steeping in you until I didn’t end And you, you were the beginning. Do you remember how it was? How we woke up each day and moved? To the beat only we could hear. Dancing upright in the rain. It never occurred to me to flinch, Or pull away, even when you were. I just stood there and let the knives, Make a pile of shattered heartbeats. So I look for myself now, Despite the pain it pretends to mask, In the hoped for happily ever after. Ever After, all used up and cold. Please understand that I accept my part, My own disillusioned disaster, That likely led to the inevitable, Where there was no one else around. But now, on the bitter cold outside, I miss the heat and heartbeats. It’s too quiet in the dark And whatever I mutter to fill it scares me. It’s not lies, exactly, but the shades of Something so spectacular that it defies The history of the ages, my history. A not-so-happily-ever-after-all. It’s a vivid and totally fictional account Of the greatest thing that ever passed A fire that was white hot, but didn’t burn. It was who I was and might ever be. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 332 [topic] => 61 [informant] => Loende [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 20 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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